Unlike Sammy Wood, who would open most episodes with any number of outdoor activities (whilst shirtless, natch) the lovely Sammy Frost here seems to have her own M.O: strolling along harbourfront beaches in snuggly sweaters and ripped jeans.
Over at Bach Manor, the boys are displaying their own dazzling array of sartorial hits & misses...
Like a snuggly cardigan (SO SUAVE)...
...a douchey hat...
...a douche in a hat (but at least his collar isn't popped)...
...and a masterful display in clashing colours & pattens. Ten points for the man-scarf.
Osher enters with the first date card (no more golden envelopes guys...because boys can't have gold envelopes, OBVIOUSLY. Only blue for these manly men.) The lucky dude to score the first single date with Sam is plumber Dave. This is good news for
SINGLE DATE TIME!
Dave's invitation had said it's "time to stand your ground" and this cryptic clue starts to make a bit of sense when their helicopter touches down in the middle of the Sydney Cricket Ground. I had to have a bit of a giggle here, as it would have been far quicker for them to just drive from Hunters Hill to the SCG, rather than drive to Sydney Airport to then jump in a chopper. Ahh well. That's romance for you, innit. Unnecessary expenses & carbon emissions.
Once they land, Sam introduces Dave to Australian fast bowler Doug Bollinger, who he will be facing out in the middle. Eep. TBH, I'd much rather be drinking Bollinger than facing one on the pitch. We are then treated to a scene in the changeroom that was clearly orchestrated to allow Sam a gander at the goods...and possibly an opportunity to make a box joke.
DON'T ACT LIKE YOU'RE NOT IMPRESSED.
Back at the Manor, Kieran enters with another blue envelope, inviting Drew, Richie, David, "Big Tone," Kieran, "Big Sash," Kayne & Michael to "take a leap of faith" on the first group date with Sam. Sasha and Drew are both quietly packing it, as they have a fear of heights and jumping into water, respectively. Good luck boys. You'll need it.
Speaking of packing it, we're back at the SCG and Dave is at the crease, staring down the barrel of a professional fast bowl. Oh, and that girl he needs to impress on national TV. NO PRESSURE DAVE. After a few balls, Doug raises the stakes: hit a boundary, get a kiss. Ooooh....
NO PRESSURE DAVE.
...Lucky for Dave, he cracks a four and lands the first kiss of the season (I wonder how many takes that took, eh? THE MAGIC OF EDITING.) After the sun has set (what were they doing in the meantime?) they relax with a cosy picnic set up in the middle of the pitch. This is actually a pretty awesome date, not many people can say they've faced an over from a profesh fast bowler, let alone had a glass of red in a deserted SCG at night. Dave proves himself to be a bit of a legend and tells Sam that no matter what, he just hopes that this journey works out well for her and that she's happy in the end. Aww. Normally you only see contestants voice that sentiment once they've been eliminated. Unsurprisingly, Dave receives a rose. Howzat!
GROUP DATE TIME!
The gang meets up with Osher and Sam on the banks of the Hawkesbury River, as Osh explains that, as Sam took a leap of faith in coming on the show, so shall they be taking a leap...off a cliff...into the river...12 metres below. FUN!
As the boys (wet)suit up, Hansel begins to panic, saying "Deep down, I don't feel that I need to prove myself in this way to her...I've never even worn a wetsuit before in my life! I can't breathe!"
Forget Blue Steel, this year it's all about Soiled Neoprene. SO HOT FOR FALL.
Sasha's the first up to the edge, and despite wrestling with his phobia (his idea of a pep talk: "Neck up, you parrot!" which is a line I am totally stealing for myself) he makes the jump. Huzzah! #SashaFTW. My favourite part though? When the camera catches Osher having to drag Sam back from the edge. According to Mr Gunsberg, their safety officer was losing his shit as she inched closer to the verge.
After a stream of gents fling themselves over the edge, it's time for David to take the leap. After explaining how, being Polish, he hasn't spent a great deal of time around water, he tells Sam that "I'm just going to imagine that you're in there drowning." Rather than taking this as a sweet motivation for him to jump - "Aww, he's pretending he's saving my life! My hero!" etc etc - Sam seems quite taken aback, thinking it's more like a "picture the audience naked" kind of calming thing. Oof. Good one, dude.
But if you thought that was tough, it's nothing compared to Drew's struggle. Obviously racked by a genuine fear of jumping into water, he is physically unable to make the leap, even going so far as to start a run up, then digging his heels in as he hits the edge. At this point, Sam becomes visibly upset, urging Drew to not push himself to do something for her that he's not comfortable doing. I have to wonder if there was something that Sam or another bachelorette forced herself to do for Blake in their season that they weren't comfortable with. It would explain why she's so empathetic to Drew's situation, and why she's so opposed to him forcing himself to do it.
It's not all bad though, as Sam decides to reward Drew for his bravery in even attempting the jump by taking him away for some one-on-one time. As they relax by a fire, they begin to swap war stories, with Sam referring to her ex-fiance as "our dear friend Blake" which made me laugh. Drew's a bit of a lovesick puppy here, telling Sam "you're brilliant, you're really just brilliant...I'm just besotted...like, wow..." Which is a pretty big thing to say to a girl in, what, your third conversation together?
COCKTAIL HOUR!
As the cocktail party begins, the boys all agree that the Bro Code is still in force and they will respect each others time with Sam. Awesome. Except...not. There's always one, isn't there. As Sam chats to Michael, David confronts Kayne & Kieran, urging them to interrupt: "Time is of the essence mate...He's a football player with tattoos and he's fucking rich and he's successful mate, don't worry, he doesn't need the fucking time." Well, someone went from 0 to 100 mighty fast! My mum and I actually have a theory that David is harbouring a secret attraction to Michael, and is so confused by his special new feelings that he's overcompensating by lashing out at him. TOTALLY PLAUSIBLE, amirite? Anyway, after Kayne refuses to break the Code, David takes matters into his own hands, sauntering into Sam & Mike's convo. Eep. This is where it turns super awkward, as rather than just admitting he wants to cut in, he asks if they need anything and if he can offer anything to their conversation. I think Kayne's face says it best...
"Oh, it's awkward. Oh, it's SO AWKWARD."
GUYS IT JUST GETS WORSE. Rather than being, y'know, truthful, David then tells Sam that "I actually wasn't only thinking of myself, some of the boys have voiced some concerns...they feel that the night is kind of at a late hour and none of them have the confidence to come up and go, 'Hey, Mikey, we know that you're a successful football player...'" I would love to see how that sentence ended. Mike & Sam seem as flabbergasted as the rest of us at David's explanation, which would be hilarious if it weren't so offensive to both Sam and Michael. Not to mention all the other men, who are outraged by this flagrant violation of the Bro Code. I honestly love how seriously they're taking this...
I'm pretty sure the words "he's dead to me" were uttered.
Hansel has scored some one-on-one time with Sam, but little does he know that he's walked into a lions den, with Sam wasting no time in tearing him a new one: "Y'know what? I gotta break it to you: Anyone who feels threatened by him...that is their own insecurities and I think that it's a load of rusbbish that anyone would have this theory that I care about materialistic bullshit, which I don't. At all. I am the last person on the planet that would date someone for their status. That is the most offensive thing anyone can say about me...if that's what kind of person you think I am, then you can leave." BOOM. Bow down bitch!
WE ARE NOT WORTHY.
Richie then chimes in with the understatement of the century...
Best performance of the night though goes to the San Francisco hat David had earlier presented to Sam, left behind on the couch after she departs. So forlorn.
Who knew a discarded snapback could be so DRAMATIC. This moment is so delicious I want to bathe in it. Ahh, feels so good on my skin!
TIME FOR ROSES!
And there's no prizes for guessing who will be leaving us tonight, with David of course failing to receive a rose. What wasn't expected though, was what happens next. First of all, rather than his normal "please take the time to say your goodbyes" send off, Osher offers a terse "you'll be leaving us tonight" followed by the GREATEST filthy look over the shoulder you ever did see...
NOBODY MESSES WITH MY GIRL.
Even more gobsmacking is David's reaction, telling Sam: "I'm actually reasonably happy not to receive a rose tonight. I think you misinterpreted the whole situation. I think you judged a little bit too quickly. I think you actually made a mountain out of a molehill." At this point, Sam cut him off with a beautifully sardonic "it's been a pleasure." Adorably, the remaining boys band around her, with Richie calling her brave, Alex assuring her that they don't share David's views, and ending in a group hug. What legends.
NEXT TIME: Sasha takes centre stage on a sexy tango date with Sam. TEAM SHASAM 4EVAAA.
The Bachelorette Australia airs Wednesday and Thursday nights from 7:30pm on Channel Ten. Missed an episode? Catch up here:
Episode 1
Episode 1
No comments:
Post a Comment