It's an exciting morning at Bach Manor, as the boys sit around watching...a game of chess.
Luckily, Osher then arrives with a blue envelope to break the monotony. When the clue for this single date is revealed to be "young at heart," Davey immediately thinks it's for him, saying "Well, I am the youngest, and I'm definitely a child" which is ABSOLUTELY what Sam is looking for. You've got this in the bag, dude!
By that I mean, nope, sorry, this date is Richie's. Thank God. Someone who's not too impressed though is Michael, who - I'm sorry - gives me a bit of a serial killer vibe. Just look into his eyes!
Is he happy? Sad? Hungry? Homicidal? YOU NEVER KNOW.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! Osher then pulls out a second date card, inviting Sash, Alex, Dave, Davey and Michael on a group date, with the clue "all's fair in love and war." A BATTLE TO THE DEATH IT IS! Or, y'know, paintball or something.
GROUP DATE TIME!
Surprise, group date is first up tonight. The boys arrive at a (completely deserted) circus for some sideshow alley games, where they will be competing in knockout rounds for alone time "under the Big Top" with Sam. You mean we get to sit in a dark, dusty tent that probably smells like a barn? YESSS SO ROMANTIC.
"Last date I had with Sam, I had to be a gentleman. These are childish games, I'm a child myself, now I can be the larrikin and get away with it in this group date, so I think this is all me!" - Davey, showing his stunning sense of self-awareness. I think the phrase, "HAD TO BE a gentleman" says it all. READ: I'm not ACTUALLY a gentleman, I just put on the act when I need to. Yeah, can you tell I'm not really a fan?
Ugh, and that hat. KILL IT WITH FIRE.
Round One is the THUNDER GOD - otherwise know as that thing where you hit the thing with the other thing and ding the bell. Yeah. You know the one! Unfortunately for Michael, upper body strength isn't a massive pre-requisite for a footballer, so he's knocked out early. Womp womp.
Round Two is a tug-of-war between Davey/Sash & Alex/Dave. With Sasha anchoring, Dave & Alex stand very little chance and it's over pretty quickly. What's more interesting though, is watching Davey unknowingly obliterate his chances with the lovely Sam as the date goes on. Just listen to some of her comments: "Davey's being quite the boy's boy today, which...I can't say I'm surprised. I saw a little snippet of Davey's lovely side on the two-on-one date, but I'm not sure if that was maybe just a brief encounter" followed by "For me, with Davey, I'm feeling quite confused. When he's with the boys, he's one person and then when he's with me, he's a completely different person." I mean, just look how THRILLED she is when he knocks Sasha out of the game...
NOT SASHA. YOU BASTARD.
In the end, there are only two left standing. Take it away, Alex! "Dave vs Davey. Man vs Clown. It was all set up for an amazing finale." - Suave Alex has a way with words as smooth as his dress sense. Narrate my life, Alex! Never stop talking!
Luckily for Sam, Dave is the one taking her under the Big Top, which sounds filthy but is really nothing more than a perfectly lovely chat. Sorry to say though, it doesn't feel like there's any sort of romantic chemistry between them - when Sam is telling Dave about the kind of man she's looking for, it's as though she's having a chat with a best friend. And to top it off, Dave proposes they "hug it out" at the end. What even?
SINGLE DATE TIME!
Richie meets Sam at the Bachelorette Pad, where she informs him that, as she's a bit quirky, for their date today they will be undergoing a full hair & makeup transformation to age them 50 years. Oh, we've all had this date before, amirite?
Four hours later, Richard and Samantha emerge, ready to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary with a day at the bowls club...
Adorable.
Seriously, kudos to the make up team, these prosthetics are on point. Just look how cute and old they are!
Sam & Richie rock up to the Double Bay Bowling Club for a day of bingo...which sounds like a great date to me, I freaking LOVE bingo. When I go to Hamilton Island, you better believe I'm front and centre at the free Bingo on the Beach every morning, cocktail in one hand, dauber in the other. Anyway, enough about me and my raging holidays antics, back to the date! When Sam leaves the table for a moment, someone sees a window of opportunity: "I'm much younger than your wife, so we can swap chairs." YESSS, GO GRAN! GET SOME!
All in all, it's an incredibly charming date. Sam is an adorable grandma and Richie keeps her in stitches all day long. And you can't go past a man who makes you laugh! Looks fade, but laughter lives forever. Needless to say, Richie returns to Bach Manor with a rose.
And yes, that is 80 year old Richie doing a kip up in front of a group of cheering seniors.
COCKTAIL HOUR
We get a hint that this isn't going to be just another cocktail party early on, as we see Sam pacing alone in a sitting room, as her voiceover informs us that "my incredible date with Richie has really put things into perspective. It's made me reevaluate exactly what I'm looking for in a relationship. I want to be with someone who I can have fun with and who I can trust and who I can see myself growing old with. I need to think about the longevity of a relationship and who I can feel that chemistry with and have that spark. I can't afford to have my heart broken again, and I don't want to waste any more time with guys that I'm just not sure of." No prizes for guessing who she's talking about here, amirite?
Upon entering the cocktail party, Sam whisks Davey away for a chat and wastes no time in questioning his true colours, bringing up their double date: "You showed a glimpse of the sensitive and beautiful side to your personality...but I don't know how often that side comes out, and I wonder if that sensitive side to your personality is just an act. My first gut instinct towards you was that you're a ladies man, and I think 'OK, is the wool getting pulled over my eyes?'" Davey reacts to this incredibly well, scoffing "Do you honestly think I'd be here to create an act?"
This is the face of someone who is NOT HAPPY that he's being called out.
When Sam asks him what it is about her that he wants to stick around for, he chuckles before replying with a frustrated "I've told you a few times already!" OK, not a great move either, Davey. But please keep on digging, because it is incredibly entertaining for me. Although I can imagine it's not so entertaining for Sam, who is looking and sounding increasingly unimpressed: "I've dated people like you before and I know how it ends and it ends the same every single time and you give 'em the benefit of the doubt and every single time the same thing happens." Davey tries to assure her that he's different, but you can tell she ain't buying what he's selling...
Sam Frost did NOT come down in the last shower, buddy boy.
At this point, it's clear that Davey is struggling and I think he realises the end is nigh...
He tries to assure Sam that he's genuine...
...but I think he senses that touching her probably isn't wise, as that hand flies back off her thigh quicksmart. She's having none of that!
We return from an ad break to find Osher breaking the news to the rest of the boys that after a heartfelt conversation with Sam, Davey has left the mansion and WAITAMINUTEHOLDUP - Where is the death blow? Where is the heartbroken goodbye? Where is the petulant pouting? WHERE IS DAVEY?! I am not impressed. We don't even get a last word from his departing car, instead we see Sam heading home to the Bachelorette Pad, as she reflects on the five amazing men she has left to choose from. This is very lovely, sure, but WHAT HAPPENED TO DAVEY THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW!
NEXT TIME: A five-man dinner date will be somebody's last supper, as Sam chooses which four men will be taking her home.
Missed an episode? Catch up here:
Episode 1
Episode 2 - Dave's single date, "leap of faith" group date and HURRICANE HANSEL
Episode 3 - Sasha's single date, puppy photoshoot group date and THE SASH PASH
Episode 4 - Alex's single date, dodgeball group date and EXFOLIATING
Episode 5 - A double date disaster, and the gents face the DAD TEST
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