Another morning at Bach Manor and the boys are taking bets as to who will be on the next single date, the favourites being Davey or Tony. In a MASSIVE COINCIDENCE BECAUSE WHAT ARE THE CHANCES Osher then arrives with a very interesting blue envelope, whose clue reads: "I like my martinis shaken, not stirred." Ooh, Bond theme? Intriguing enough. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! The card continues..."Tonight, you'll need to play your cards right for one single rose." Yes, there is more than one name on the card, the unlucky lads being Davey and Tony. It's time for the knockout double date: two enter, only one leaves. ...Well, I mean, they both leave, but only one will leave with a rose. The other just...goes home I guess...anyway, you know the deal!
DOUBLE TROUBLE
As Davey & Tony head off to meet Sam for their double date, they are farewelled by the rest of the lads as though they are proud parents seeing their kids off to the prom...
As they zip across Sydney Harbour, is anyone else getting total Bond villain vibes? Don't accept any drinks from these men Samantha. You'll wake up in an island dungeon.
They meet Sam on a superyacht for a not-at-all awkward night of sniping, grass-cutting and roulette. After placing a bet to determine one-on-one time - black for Tony, red for Davey - Sam & Tony step outside for a chat that basically consists of Tony trying to convince Sam that, yes he's mature, yes he's serious, but also SO FUN! Meanwhile, Davey is at his Bond villain-y best, stewing below deck, checking his watch and counting the minutes...
...So, of course, he decides to break THE BRO CODE (which HE PROPOSED it must be said) and cuts in on Tony's time. Unlike suitors past, who would cop it on the chin, Tone does not take this well. At all. "I'd kick myself if I didn't get time with Sam tonight!" Davey explains. Tony replies tersely, "You would have got time, though. You didn't need to cut in right now, you would have had time." Meanwhile, Sam is all:
"Oh, this is awkward. Oh, it's SO AWKWARD."
In response, Davey offers a bit of a non-apology: "I want Sam's love, and I'm going to do everything in my power to get it." Now...is it just me, or does that really not sound as sweet as I think Davey thinks it does? It's like Sam is just a prize to be won, not an actual human being that he wants to have a relationship with. Nope. Not impressed. Kick him overboard, Sam!
After some more excruciating three-way conversations that might as well consist of Davey shouting over the top of Tony: "PICK ME SAM, I'M EVER SO GENTLEMANLY! LISTEN TO ME RHAPSODISE ABOUT SOULMATES!" Sam takes Tony away for another chat and at this point, you may be hoping that he's getting the rose. Well, prepare to be disappointed, because he's getting the heave-ho. "You're so beautiful!" Sam assures him. (READ: "Just not beautiful enough to want to be with!") (I kid, I kid. Sam is lovely.) Hilariously, Tony's parting words include the sentence "Losing to Davey is not the ideal situation that I would have hoped for in trying to prove my worth to Sam." HA. Yeah, I can imagine that's pretty embarrassing, dude.
After Sam has returned to Davey and proffered the victory rose, he asks for a kiss on the cheek...
...then turns his head to steal a kiss on the lips...
...and celebrates like this...
...while Sam fumes quietly...
...yeah, total dick move dude. Not cool. Way to confirm every single doubt Sam has had about you and pretty much guarantee your ass is grass next episode. God, how I wish she'd snatched the rose back and kicked him out then and there. Ahh well, I'm sure it won't be much longer. Buh-bye.
Back at Bach Manor, another blue envelope has arrived, inviting Richie, Sasha, Michael, Alex, Kayne and Dave on a group date. The clue? "Falling in love is child's play." OH YEAH IT'S THE DAD TEST.
Yes, it is time for our heroine to test the parenting abilities of her prospective mates. The Bachelor always puts his ladies through it, so I'm happy to see Sam make the boys jump through this hoop also.
GROUP DATE TIME!
Back at Bach Manor, another blue envelope has arrived, inviting Richie, Sasha, Michael, Alex, Kayne and Dave on a group date. The clue? "Falling in love is child's play." OH YEAH IT'S THE DAD TEST.
Yes, it is time for our heroine to test the parenting abilities of her prospective mates. The Bachelor always puts his ladies through it, so I'm happy to see Sam make the boys jump through this hoop also.
As Osher and Sam explain, Sam's "very special friend" Tahlia is having a birthday party and the lads will be responsible for entertaining 30 kids and giving them "the best party they have ever had." Meanwhile, the mums are sitting out the front, clinking their wine glasses to not having to supervise. Chin chin ladies! Oh, and can I just say - nice dad cardi, Osh. Looking sharp.
Also looking sharp? Alex, king of the face painting emporium, who can apparently look suave in anything. Even feathers and sequins.
Meanwhile, Kayne is having so much fun at his pie-throwing stand that he doesn't even notice Sam's presence...
You know who's not having fun though? Dave, whose experience with children seems to be limited to bribing his nieces and nephews with chocolate and whose "Shark Island" game is quickly abandoned.
After creating a pretty sweet storytime with the kids, where he has them draw along as he tells the magical story of Princess Sam, her 14 princes, and Osher the Friendly Dragon who eats the princes one by one (OK, this is adorable, I'll give him that) Michael is rewarded with a home cooked dinner back at the Bachelorette Pad. Sam begins her five star meal by asking "I just want to know first: Are you more of a white bread person, or mixed grain?" Oh yeah, she's making him ham, cheese & tomato toasties. BRILLIANT. I love a lady who can't cook. Unfortunately for dear Sam, she gets so caught up in conversation with Mike, that she burns their "fool-proof" dinner.
After last weeks cocktail party, where Michael presented Sam with a gift of "fun facts" about himself, Sam is returning the favour with her own box of trivia for him. Between funny facts about bad teeth and Thai takeaway, she reveals that her greatest fear is having her heart broken again. I will say, Michael is very sweet here. So sweet in fact that he receives a rose - making him the first bachelor to get a rose on a group date. Well done, Mike. This was actually the most likable I've found him so far this season. Still #TeamSash though, sorrynotsorry.
There's not much to say about tonight's cocktail party, but if I had to sum it up with one word, that word would be: DESPERATE. After Michael returns from his dinner with a rose, everyone seems to be scrambling. Dave is desperate to prove to Sam that he can be good with kids; Richie is desperate to get some solo time with Sam after having not yet received a single date; Davey is just...desperate. "Michael got a rose NOT FAIR!"
Well, once again Channel Ten has spoiled the result of a rose ceremony before it's even begun, by way of their super-comprehensive preview at the start of the season. Based on dates shown in the preview that have not yet aired, it is no surprise that Kayne is the man leaving us tonight. Don't get me wrong, I love knowing that a certain favourite (that start with S and rhyme with Pash) is assured safe passage through the competition for a while, based on the number of times he appears, but I didn't realise it would make it this easy to predict the eliminations.Very little suspense left, guys.
NEXT TIME: Richie & Sam "grow old disgracefully" on their first single date together, the boys run away with the circus, and Davey's time appears to be up. Can I get a HALLELUJAH?
Also looking sharp? Alex, king of the face painting emporium, who can apparently look suave in anything. Even feathers and sequins.
Meanwhile, Kayne is having so much fun at his pie-throwing stand that he doesn't even notice Sam's presence...
You know who's not having fun though? Dave, whose experience with children seems to be limited to bribing his nieces and nephews with chocolate and whose "Shark Island" game is quickly abandoned.
Poor Shark Island. So lonely.
After creating a pretty sweet storytime with the kids, where he has them draw along as he tells the magical story of Princess Sam, her 14 princes, and Osher the Friendly Dragon who eats the princes one by one (OK, this is adorable, I'll give him that) Michael is rewarded with a home cooked dinner back at the Bachelorette Pad. Sam begins her five star meal by asking "I just want to know first: Are you more of a white bread person, or mixed grain?" Oh yeah, she's making him ham, cheese & tomato toasties. BRILLIANT. I love a lady who can't cook. Unfortunately for dear Sam, she gets so caught up in conversation with Mike, that she burns their "fool-proof" dinner.
"Classic Sam."
After last weeks cocktail party, where Michael presented Sam with a gift of "fun facts" about himself, Sam is returning the favour with her own box of trivia for him. Between funny facts about bad teeth and Thai takeaway, she reveals that her greatest fear is having her heart broken again. I will say, Michael is very sweet here. So sweet in fact that he receives a rose - making him the first bachelor to get a rose on a group date. Well done, Mike. This was actually the most likable I've found him so far this season. Still #TeamSash though, sorrynotsorry.
COCKTAIL HOUR
There's not much to say about tonight's cocktail party, but if I had to sum it up with one word, that word would be: DESPERATE. After Michael returns from his dinner with a rose, everyone seems to be scrambling. Dave is desperate to prove to Sam that he can be good with kids; Richie is desperate to get some solo time with Sam after having not yet received a single date; Davey is just...desperate. "Michael got a rose NOT FAIR!"
TIME FOR THE ROSES
Well, once again Channel Ten has spoiled the result of a rose ceremony before it's even begun, by way of their super-comprehensive preview at the start of the season. Based on dates shown in the preview that have not yet aired, it is no surprise that Kayne is the man leaving us tonight. Don't get me wrong, I love knowing that a certain favourite (that start with S and rhyme with Pash) is assured safe passage through the competition for a while, based on the number of times he appears, but I didn't realise it would make it this easy to predict the eliminations.Very little suspense left, guys.
Peace out Kanye.
NEXT TIME: Richie & Sam "grow old disgracefully" on their first single date together, the boys run away with the circus, and Davey's time appears to be up. Can I get a HALLELUJAH?
The Bachelorette Australia airs Wednesday and Thursday nights from 7:30pm on Channel Ten. Missed an episode? Catch up here:
Episode 1
Episode 2 - Dave's single date, "leap of faith" group date and HURRICANE HANSEL
Episode 3 - Sasha's single date, puppy photoshoot group date and THE SASH PASH
Episode 4 - Alex's single date, dodgeball group date and EXFOLIATING ACTION
Episode 1
Episode 2 - Dave's single date, "leap of faith" group date and HURRICANE HANSEL
Episode 3 - Sasha's single date, puppy photoshoot group date and THE SASH PASH
Episode 4 - Alex's single date, dodgeball group date and EXFOLIATING ACTION
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