We begin with the girls casually sitting around the kitchen - clearly this is just after the last rose ceremony and they've all had a costume change, as Heather's hair is the same. These poor girls must be EXHAUSTED. "Ugh, just let me go to bed already! I'm too tired to feign excitement about a freaking invitation."
But feign it they must! Osher soon enters with the aforementioned invitation, which cryptically states: "Let's blow it all sky high." Just in case you'd forgotten, Emily reminds us that she hates Nina, crying "it cant be Nina, for the life of me it just can't be freakin' Nina." Don't worry, this storyline will get A LOT of airtime tonight. Meanwhile, Heather is just excited at what the invite might be hinting at: "I'm thinking: rockets...
"...Monkeys..."
"...And a circus."
The lucky lady off to "blow it all" is Bec, who is probably thanking her lucky stars right now that she wore something under this dress:
After taking a quick chopper ride across the city, they land at their mystery location...gosh, if only there was some sort of way to tell where they are...
Poor Sam. Seriously, this poor guy is supposedly scared of heights, and he's been set up on dates where he's flown in a hot air balloon, climbed the harbour bridge, and now he's faux sky diving. Can't catch a break! Plus, just look at the man's hair!
Back at the Manor, Emily & Ebru are discussing Bec's chances of returning with a rose. Em says "I think he will rate her highly than some other people in the house, he will give Bec a rose, she'll be safe and someone else will go this week." When Ebru then mentions that she thinks Snez & Nina will be all over Bec for details upon her return, Emily just can't even:
"UGH."
Reiterating her hatred for two-faced people, Emily then says that "if Nina stays over anyone else in the house now...I don't know what's going through Sam's head." This is quickly followed up with: "I think the only way harmony will be brought back into the house is if she left. It's not a pleasant living situation right now, is it?" WHAT IS NINA DOING TO EMILY THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW.
Meanwhile, Sam & Bec are back on terra firma and have sat down with a deck of relationship cards to get to know each other a little better. The first question Sam asks? "What was your worst ever date?" A great question to ask coming off the back of the groundhog date fiasco! Poor Sammy Boy. The light-hearted conversation soon turns more serious, with Sam questioning the likelihood of their friendship ever turning to romance. Bec agrees, saying "if it's meant to be, it's meant to be." And, as Sam confirms, it just wasn't meant to be under these circumstances. And with that, she's off into the sunset.
Back at the manse, the girls are eagerly awaiting Bec's return with rose in hand. But instead, it's Sam that strolls into the lounge, shocking everyone with news of Bec's departure. Up until now, when on dates they've only had to worry about whether they will receive a rose or not, but as Nina explains, they now have to wonder if they'll be returning to the manse at all. The news hits some harder than others:
Poor Emily.
"I'm here to find a real woman to have a real relationship with, and to me that's not cocktail parties with fancy ballgowns and tuxedoes, it's more kicking around in your PJ's, having brekkie on a Sunday morning and just being comfortable in your own skin." And the best way to test how comfortable these girls will be is, of course, to ambush them with a surprise breakfast. As you can imagine, this goes down well, with Snezana shrieking "I WASN'T PREPARED!"
Oh, you're still stunning, just stop it.
Rolling with the punches far better is Heather: "The girls really seemed to freak out about the whole, 'Ahh, Bachie's coming in and we don't have any makeup on!' I was just like, I've got a butt flap man, just go with it."
The aforementioned butt flap.
ADORABLE. #TeamHeather
Someone who is decidedly not cool with this AT ALL is Em, who enters apologising for the remnants of last night's dye job all over her. She at least has time to throw on a "breakfast scarf" though, so there's something.
"Yeah, I'm not a morning person." O RLY?
Because I'm not particularly interested in the Sarah-Sam combo, I will blow thru their single date quickly: wine tasting at the Bach Pad, where she gets a rosé AND a rose, ending in a pash. Yep. 'Twas about as interesting as it sounds.
Yeah, yeah, get back to the good stuff.
Cocktail hour! And Emily is in fine form tonight, listing the reasons why she thinks half the girls shouldn't still be around: "It shocks me to my very core who is left. Heather, I don't understand it at all...Snez, don't see with Sam, mostly for the fact that she's got a daughter...Nina I thought would go in the first 1-2 weeks." Not pulling any punches, eh Em?
EVERYBODY SUCKS BUT ME: The Emily Simms Story
Suddenly, Osher enters...which is strange, seeing as how he is not normally present at the cocktail parties. I like to think he's hiding in the kitchen with the crew, knocking back a scotch or three. I mean, if you had to be around all this drama, wouldn't you? Anyway, he hasn't pulled Sam aside for a sneaky Glenfiddich, but to announce the imminent arrival of two new ladies. Oh Gunsberg, you cheeky devil, you.
"HEH HEH HEH"
There is no time for Sam to prepare himself though, as New Girl #1 saunters in in a blur of black sequins and kohl eyeliner. Lana is 27, works in corporate communications, plays golf, practices yoga and is here for "an opportunity at love." She seems very sweet, I must admit when I first saw her press photo, I thought she'd be much more of a tough talker. The eyeliner threw me, I think. Anyway, Sam is lovely as always, and after a pleasant chat he sends her off to the lions den. As she crosses the lawn, Nina spots her and yelps "OHMYGAWD OHMYGAWD OHMYGAWD IT'S INTRUDERS GUYS IT'S INTRUDERS." Because, apparently, we're on Big Brother now?
Any guesses as to what Emily was uttering here? Anyone?
"It doesn't bother me that there's intruders. Whatever..." Hey Em! This statement would have been more convincing if you hadn't followed it up with this face...
Poor Lana entered to a warm welcome from Heather and Snezana, and then 20 questions from everyone else. Including a NOT AT ALL SUBTLE sizing up from Sarah and Ebs:
(This isn't just a conveniently timed screen grab, by the way. They literally looked her up and down.)
As Heather astutely observes, "where there's one, there will be more" a glowing white orb appears over the Manor hedges as we meet New Girl #2. Rachel is 29 and a food blogger from Brisbane - who can't cook! Isn't she adorable! (Ugh.) Her & Sam have a polite conversation about their pets and Sam questions how much she actually loves her food. Nice one, Sammy Boy! Rachel then trots off to meet the rest of the ladies, who shriek "A BLONDE! Sarah, there's another blonde!!" Ebru voices her concerns about the new ladies, saying "You're thinking, OK there's two new girls competing for Sam's affections, and now they're going to live with us in this house, in our house! Like, it's literally our house, eating our food." Sigh. Too many of these women have a very shaky understanding of what the word "literally" means. Literally.
As Sam gets to know a bit more about the new girls, Emily, Sarah, Ebru & Heather discuss the likelihood of Sam forming a connection. After Heather states that she "100%" believes that the newbies are in with a shot, Em counters with "Well, I'm gonna say no, because I think intruders are bullshit, and B: not necessary, and C: not enough time." Yeah. It was at this point in the evening that I realised Emily had probably had a few too many champagnes. She soon follows up with "I'm gonna put it out there, I'm just gonna be honest...I think Nina is gonna go. I don't see them together. I think he needs someone who's more...ladylike. I just think she's too rough for him." The producers then brilliantly contrast Em's declaration with this:
SO CRASS NINA.
Oh God, this episode will never end.
Sam then pulls Emily away from her blanket buddies for a one on one. After she confirms that the new gals don't threaten her, as she "doesn't want someone who doesn't want me wholeheartedly" (a good policy Em! I support this 100% - don't settle babes!) she then asks Sam to explain how he views her. Well. This was never going to end well. After calling her a slow burner, to which she makes this face...
"...what?"
...he explains that their relationship has ebbed and flowed and has taken a while to get going...
"...wait, WHAT?"
...and lets Em know that she's not the "goof" she thinks she is. He then drops the bomb that she's a bit more "glitz and glamour" than the girls that he would normally go for. WORLD SHATTERED.
For some reason, she then thinks it's a wise decision to let Sam in on how much Nina makes her want to "lose my shit." Nice. After Sam once again expresses doubts about their compatibility, Emily is "baffled" and then retorts with "you either like me as I am or you don't." This is definitely how you go about winning him over.
Time for the roses! And once again, Emily is digging at Nina: "I just don't see anything between Nina and Sam. I just don't think that he'd be attracted to her. She's too rough for him!" As per usual, Heather receives a rose, along with an eyeroll and a catty comment from Emily: "I'm wondering what the hell's going through his head, and why is he still choosing people that I just can't see him with." Because obviously, Emily knows what's best.
In the end, it comes down to Emily and Nina. A FINAL FACE OFF. Well, Emily's not prepared to go down like this...
...so she walks.
...and not just out the door, but out of contention for Sam's heart, as Heather explains that Sam is not the kind of guy who will chase you. I actually love that he didn't follow her. You know Blake would have chased.
"SIMMS OUT, BITCHES"
Not even the cameras follow, she just disappears around the corner, never to be seen again. At least Ebru appears to be a ride or die kind of friend, and after checking with Sam that it's cool, runs after Emily.
After that little bit of drama, Sam regroups and presents "the rose that was always meant for you" to Nina and the other girls rejoice. Well...most of them...
One of these things is not like the others...
Oh wait, we do get one last look at Emily as she departs the manse. She seems to have passed through the "belligerent drunk" stage, and is hitting "weepy," explaining how sick it makes her feel...that she's leaving before Nina. A fierce competitor to the very end.
Farewell Emily, we'll never forget you. BITCHFACE 4EVAAA.
NEXT TIME: The Bachelor turns Dating In The Dark, and the new girls continue to make waves.
The Bachelor Australia airs Wednesday and Thursday nights from 7:30pm on Channel Ten. Missed an episode? Catch up here:
Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3
Episode 4
Episode 5
Episode 6
Episode 7
Episode 8
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