Thursday 17 September 2015

IGGLE PIGGLE, YOU'RE DEAD TO ME.

It's late. There is officially nothing on TV.

You decide it's finally time to drag your tired bones up the stairs to bed, so you turn off the TV, shut down the laptop. Brush your teeth in the powder room downstairs - God forbid a running faucet should wake up Liv at this ungodly hour. 

You creep up the stairs, praying that those dick cats of yours don't come sprinting up behind you.

You hear the sweet little sighs of a sleeping baby from behind the bedroom door and pat yourself on the back for not waking her up. Yet.

The door opens. You creep inside, making sure not to bang the jamb as you softly close it behind you. She doesn't stir. Another triumph!

You creep past the ensuite, keeping your knees relaxed, staying low, trying to almost glide across the carpet, lest the floorboards creak under your feet.

You're passing by the crib now. You're close enough to hear her inhale and exhale, to hear the air pass in and out of her adorable button nose. You wish you could lean over and kiss her chubby cheeks, but you know better than to poke a sleeping bear.

The bed is close, you've almost made it.

And then, you feel something under your right foot. Something soft yet solid. There is a slight "click" sound as your weight presses down. And then, and then...

THIS GUY.

"Yes, my name is Iggle Piggle, Iggle-Piggle-Wiggle-Niggle-Giggle..." This familiar Night Garden tune fills the room, as the walls are bathed in a blue glow. The mystery item underfoot is revealed to be Liv's Iggle Piggle lullaby doll...a doll that has been unceremoniously ditched overboard earlier in the night. You weren't to know.

"Why don't they put OFF buttons on this thing?" you silently cry as you throw yourself on the floor and desperately try to muffle the light and sound with your pillow. "And why is it so loud, and so bright? It's supposed to help them sleep, not rave!"

Seconds feel like hours, as you wait for the music to die out, for the lights to dim. "Come on, hurry up!"
 
And then. Silence. Darkness. Relief. Exhale.

And then.

WHAT AN ASSHOLE.

You hear the familiar thunk of tiny foot against wood. The sniff of a sudden inhale. The rustle of blankets. 

The cry of an indignant infant, awoken by a plush landmine laying in wait.

JUST LOOK AT THOSE EYES. NO REMORSE.

Iggle Piggle, you win this round.

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