mamamedia recaps :: Episode 4 of The Bachelor Australia

No messing around this time - we get straight into some WHITE ROSE ACTION.

"I'm not interested in the big jets or the beautiful air balloon rides, I want to do the things that come more naturally to me." And with that, Heather sneaks out of Bach Manor, white rose in hand, to whisk Sammy Boy away on what she hopes will be the BEST DATE OF HIS LIFE.

 

As she makes her getaway, Osher strolls into the kitchen to let the other girls know that Heather is finally using her rose. "Ohhh, so THAT'S why there's a camera crew filming our breakfast - a breakfast attended by every woman in the house bar Heather. OHHH. It all makes sense now. Yeah, we TOTALLY hadn't noticed that anything was amiss." As always, Emily pulls out an epic bitchface when she hears the news, saying that she's happy as she thinks Heather feels the white rose gives her immunity, but she's not worried as none of the girls see Heather as a romantic threat.

 

Heather rocks up to the Bachelor pad, completely taking Sam by surpise - he welcomes her by saying "I thought you were wardrobe!" and admits that he was just sitting around in his trackpants watching NBA. Cute.

As they drive off to their mystery location together, Heather explains how the date has been set up to give Sam an idea of who she really is. Then this exchange occurs:
HEATHER: "So I don't know if you've realised yet, but I'm kind of a little bit awkward?"
SAM: "No, I've realised. Yeah, I realised early on"
HEATHER: "Yeah, good. OK, right-o. Moving on."
SAM: "Nah, in a cute way!"
Aww. I LIKE THESE TWO OKAY SO SUE ME.

We pull up in front of Propped Up Studios in Marrickville, where Heather explains that whilst she wants Sam to get to know her life, she also wants to see what he's passionate about...which is why she's set up a little circuit for him to train her. She may have been regretting this though, as Sam doesn't go easy on her. In Heather's words, "dude knows how to work out."

Back at Bach Manor, a golden envelope arrives, inviting Rachel, Ebru, Jasmin, Sarah, Joni, Anal Glands Laura and Shitstorm Sandra to enjoy some "fun and games." Whilst Nina frets about why she hasn't yet been asked on a date, Emily sits back, cool as a cucumber, saying that she feels safe, as it seems that the girls on the dates are the ones who are being sent home. Some may say she's being cocky, but with the exception of the girls eliminated in the premiere, every other girl not to receive a rose has been on a date in the same episode...so, she kind of has a point.

Meanwhile, Heather & Sam have slipped into their Lycra to shoot the poster for The Adventures of Bachman & H-Bomb. Yes, the superhero thing is happening. And whilst the other girls may have thought the idea childish, Sam is definitely into it, saying that he's "waited 15 years for this" and giggling like a little boy. Adorable.

"We're not done being superheroes!" Heather leads Sam into the final act: the heroes now get to wrestle...in an inflatable pool...full of jelly. Oh yeah. She was initially worried that he wouldn't be into it, but this fear is put to bed pretty quickly as he body slams her. As they lay panting in the jelly afterwards, Sam admits that it's the most fun he's ever had on a date. TEN POINTS TO HEATHER.

Definitely looks like a man who is having a terrible time...

My favourite part of this scene though is how it was intercut with footage of Emily telling Jasmin that she doesn't see anything happening between Sam & Heather, and that she "doesn't get it." Totally. "I mean, their conversation flows easily, they have heaps of fun together and she makes him laugh? I DO NOT UNDERSTAND."

Back at the Bach Pad, Heather & Sam set about cooking dinner and opening up to each other about their childhoods. A very sweet and easy conversation flows, but beneath it, Sam is starting to worry that he & Heather could easily slip into the dreaded FRIENDZONE *dun dun DUNNN*

Yeah, I hate this whole "friendzone" thing. I've had several male friendships be reduced to "ahh, you friendzoned him" which offends me greatly. Thanks for reducing my platonic love to a sexual rejection! Joss Whedon says it best here:

Preach.

When Sam shares his concerns with Heather that they are just "stupidly good mates," she tells him she feels as though they have a greater connection than just mates, and that she does want to be his friend but if it were to end there she'd be disappointed. Phew. All sorted then.

Sam then offers Heather a rose, which leads to one of the best kisses I think I've ever seen on the Bachelor. To quote my husband: "Holy shit! That was like a movie kiss! Yeah, that's a good kiss. Keep her around."

Onto the group date! The girls meet Sam and Osher at Turimetta Beach, which seems to displease Joni, although she admits that "Sam thinks I'm not fun, so I need to bring the fun!" And what's more fun than a day at the beach with that guy you like...and 6 other women. Am I right?

Sam takes Laura away for a one-on-one chat, saying that their awkward first meeting seemed to put them behind and it feels as though they've never been able to catch up. They're having a nice enough chat about Laura's work, and then...SHE SAYS IT AGAIN. WHY WHY WHY DOES THIS WOMAN CONTINUE TO TALK ABOUT ANAL GLANDS. Sam is as diplomatic as can be, but I sense he's over it as well, saying "I understand that she's a vet, and she was discussing the treatment of dogs...but it's like we can't move past it."

PLEASE STOP SAYING IT.

After Sam makes the women compete for his love (well, they have a little relay in the surf) it's revealed that Joni once had a traumatic near-drowning at the beach and she needs to take a moment to compose herself. Shitstorm obviously thinks this is a great time to pick on her for being a wimp. Nice one, Sandy. It all works out for Joni though, as Sam takes her away for some alone time by the fire. I personally think that Joni comes across lovely - check out her Instagram, she's pretty hilarious as well - although Sam seems to think that she's too intense. Although, I'm not too surprised he thinks that: Joni's trained in neuro linguistic programming, and knowing a few NLP practitioners myself, I can say that that intensity seems to be a pre-requisite.

Cocktail hour! And the drama, oh, the drama. After enjoying a one on one chat with Snezana, Sam gives her a parting kiss...right in front of Ebru, Nina and Jasmin. 

Obviously, Snez hasn't made it public knowledge that her & Sammy Boy had shared many a kiss on their balloon date, because people LOSE THEIR SHIT. Particularly Jasmin, who runs into the next room like a little schoolgirl: "OH EM GEE GUYS THEY KISSED OOOOOHHH!!!" After announcing that "the first kiss may or may not have just happened!" she jitters around for a while, saying "I don't want to say, it's like SOOO not my place!" before, of course, telling them everything. Awesome Jacinda likens it to lobbing a grenade...

Funnily enough, Shitstorm Sandra is a bit of a voice of reason here, saying "it's really not a big deal. If Jasmin says it was a peck, then it's a peck."

Rose ceremony time! Osher announces that - sadface time - two ladies will be leaving the manse tonight. In an ending that is surprising only if you hadn't watched the hour preceeding it, Joni and Laura are the "unlucky" ones heading home. Something tells me these two will be absolutely fine, as Joni says "he's still figuring out what he wants and evidently it's not me, now I can go on and find the person I'm meant to be with" and Laura adds "I don't think there's anything wrong with me, if I'm not right for Sam then I'll be right for someone else." Stay golden ladies.

Game's not over, it's just the beginning, babes

NEXT TIME: Nina finally gets her date, and what a date: attempting to break the world record for longest televised kiss, whilst atop the Harbour Bridge. Not too shabby. Also, Zorb Soccer? Hilarity is sure to ensue.

The Bachelor Australia airs Wednesday & Thursday nights on Channel Ten from 7:30pm. Missed an episode? Catch up here:
Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3