We open to the ladies just casually chilling in the Bach kitchen, and by casually, I mean that they have been wrangled by producers because Osher will be stopping by. "Oh, Osher, what a surprise to see you in our kitchen, when all 17 of us just happened to be hanging out here together! In this giant mansion. We all decided to hang here. In the kitchen. Together. Even though several of us can't stand the sight of each other." Yep.
Osher does indeed arrive, envelope in hand, and the girls are buzzing with anticipation to find out who has scored the first solo date with Sammy Boy. JACINDA CAN'T EVEN DEAL.
AND THE FIRST DATE GOES TO...Sarah! And here's what instantly stood out to me: They're both blonde. They both work in events. They both scored a rose during the first cocktail party. And they both scored a solo date cruising the harbour on a yacht. I'm calling it: Sarah is this season's Louise. Let's just hope she doesn't steal Sam away from the winner as well...OH NO SHE DIDN'T. ...I would like to add that I think that's bullshit: men are not property, they cannot be stolen. If your man leaves you for someone else, that's on him, not her.
Anyway, back to Bach. Sam & Sarah are motoring around the harbour and heads, having a ball. It gets a bit precarious when the yacht turns up on its keel, but Sarah has a good hold of...something...
Back at the manse, the girls are, once again, sitting around together having "a casual gossip" when the next date envelope arrives. HOW CONVENIENT! It's a group date and it's a big one, with Poor Reshael, Madeleine, Lovely Heather, Snezana, Bec, Krystal, Timberland Tessa, Jasmin, Emily, Awesome Jacinda and Shitstorm Sandra all scoring an invite. It's not all smiles though, with some of the girls questioning why Heather is included. Emily says "Heather has already got the white rose and she's going to have a date whenever she chooses, so I don't understand why she's going to go on this group date?" Maybe because Sam likes her, eh Emily? A SHOCKING concept for you, I'm sure.
"DID SHE REALLY JUST SAY HEATHER?!" *shoots lasers from eyes*
Sarah returns home to an interrogation with a rose, but no kiss. Some of the girls seem threatened that she has now received roses before both rose ceremonies, but...almost all single dates end with a rose, right? Especially this early on. Anyway...as you were.
GROUP DATE! The ladies will be starring in a sexy photo shoot with Sam, recreating famous movie scenes. Because that's what everyone does on dates, right? I remember my first date with B, when we recreated that famous Top Gun scene with Maverick and Goose...no, not the volleyball one, the bit where Goose dies. Yeah. Shit got dark.
First, Snezana & Madeleine play Bond Girls, with Maddie struggling to understand the concept of "draping" oneself over a bonnet. Next up are Bec, Krystal and Lovely Heather, who are the Daisy Buchanan's to Sam's Gatsby. Sam and Heather once again have great chemistry, to the displeasure of Bec & Krystal, and also Jasmin & Emily, who are spying from the balcony above. I don't know what Heather might be doing off-camera, but I can't see why there is so much negativity being sent her way. Other than good old-fashioned jealousy, of course.
#TeamHeather
Emily is the lucky recipient of the solo shoot, recreating the pottery scene from Ghost. I can practically hear the Righteous Brothers now...it also gives us this awesome line from Emily: "I'm very old-fashioned in relationships and how they should start..." Ahh, so that's why you're finding love on a television show up against 18 other women? Yep. Gotcha. TOTES old school Em.
My favourite shoot of the date though has to be the Dirty Dancing set up, purely because of Awesome Jacinda. I mean, just look at the photographic GOLD she is serving...
COCKTAIL HOUR! Tonight's rose ceremony seems to be rattling everyone, with Awesome Jacinda breaking down a little bit, telling Heather "I feel like if you're more laidback, he notices you. I feel like I'm a little bit more full on. I'm too much for everyone. I'm so full on, let's just say it. I wouldn't date me." I WOULD JACINDA. Why? Because you're awesome. And we could eat popcorn and silently judge bitches together.
My favourite shoot of the date though has to be the Dirty Dancing set up, purely because of Awesome Jacinda. I mean, just look at the photographic GOLD she is serving...
#TeamJacinda
COCKTAIL HOUR! Tonight's rose ceremony seems to be rattling everyone, with Awesome Jacinda breaking down a little bit, telling Heather "I feel like if you're more laidback, he notices you. I feel like I'm a little bit more full on. I'm too much for everyone. I'm so full on, let's just say it. I wouldn't date me." I WOULD JACINDA. Why? Because you're awesome. And we could eat popcorn and silently judge bitches together.
My new imaginary BFF. #WhatWouldJacindaDo
Speaking of judging bitches, here's Emily! "I'm confused by the whole, Heather/Sam scenario." As she spies on Heather & Sam's interaction, Emily questions their connection, even being as lovely as to suggest that he's only spending so much time with her to see if she was actually deserving of that white rose. She then decides that if Sam is attracted to Heather, then he couldn't possibly be into her as well: "If he's interested in Heather, then I am not his type. At all. I'm just not like her. You can't be interested in Heather and then be interested in me!" and "I love getting dressed up, having a beautiful dinner, going to a day spa, but Heather's a bit of a hippie, a bit alternative..." IN EMILY'S DEFENCE (see, don't ever say I'm not a nice person): Her narration seems awfully choppy, it's clearly been edited together. I have to wonder what she was actually saying.
Jacinda hides inside to have a little cry, and Sam "just happens" to be walking past (read: producers pushed him inside and said GO WALK INTO THAT ROOM AND COMFORT THE CRYING ONE.) Whether it was coincidental or not, it's a very sweet scene, with Sam saying "You can't tiptoe around here like you're on eggshells! That's not how Jacinda lives! She smashes eggs everywhere and laughs about it!" Aww. I like this guy.
Rose ceremony time! Since Sarah received a rose on her date, there are 16 ladies vying for 13 roses. Speaking of Sarah, Joni hilariously remarks "I don't know whether Sarah has some kind of alliance with the florist, but she's definitely getting a lot of rose attention. I don't know whether it's sustainable." The Resting Bitch Face that accompanies that little snippet of narration is just priceless...
Unsurprisingly to most, Heather receives a rose...although, it does seem to stun Emily a tad...
In the end, four are left standing: Timberland Tessa, Poor Reshael, Krystal and Madeleine. And the final rose goes to...Madeleine. Womp womp. Sorry ladies. In what definitely appears to be a parting shot at Shitstorm Sandra, Reshael says "it's hard to be yourself when there are big personalities taking over. There's some girls that he just needs to spend a bit more time with and figure out whether their personalities are actually real or whether they're just putting on." Ten points to Reshael!
So long, farewell...
NEXT TIME: Someone soars on a magical date in the clouds and Sam throws a spanner in the works when he asks the girls to vote on who gets the next date. DRAMA ENSUES.
The Bachelor Australia airs Wednesday and Thursday nights on Channel Ten from 7:30pm. Missed an episode? Catch up here:
Episode 1
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