Here we go!
1:30: Why hello, Neil Patrick Harris, you handsome devil. From here on in, he will be referred to as NPH - much quicker.
1:35: ANNA KENDRICK ALERT. What a babe.
1:40: "This side of the room is the other 7 nominees...and American Sniper is Oprah. ...Because you're rich."
1:45: Best Supporting Actor. I backed J.K. Simmons, as did the rest of the world.
1:48: And the Oscar goes to...J.K! One point for me!
1:49: Aww, standing ovation for Simmons, I love that. How sweet.
1:57: Maroon 5 performing "Lost Stars" from the movie Begin Again, nominated for Best Song. It's fine, if a bit flat. That movie though? LOVED it. And I'm not a movie person, so that says a lot.
2:01: Jennifer Lopez presenting Best Costume Design...where have I seen her dress before?!? I swear, someone has worn that to an awards night previously. Hmm.
2:14: As Shirley Maclaine presents some of the nominees for Best Picture, there's a nice shot of Michael Keaton chomping away on his gum. Lovely.
2:18: I've said it before and I'll say it again: LEGO MOVIE WAS ROBBED. Anyway, this is an awesome performance of Everything Is Awesome, which is at least nominated for Best Song. Needless to say, Oprah was feeling it.
2:32: "I'm Not Gonna Miss You" by Glen Campbell, performed by Tim McGraw - TEARJERKER. Written for his family after being diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.
2:36: NPH out on stage in socks & jocks. You've gotta admire his commitment to a bit. But...I mean...with that body...why wouldn't you, is what I'm saying.
2:40: "They are 4 women, and in accordance with California state law, Meryl Streep." A cracking zinger by Jared Leto presenting Best Supporting Actress. I, along with everyone else, backed Patricia Arquette.
2:43: And the Oscar goes to...Patricia Arquette! (YES I PICKED ANOTHER ONE)
2:45: Hey, I just received a shout out in Patricia's speech! (She thanked every woman who has ever given birth...I'm taking it.) She also got a hell of a response from the audience when she ended her speech calling for equality for women. YES GET IT PATRICIA.
2:50: DAMN YOU DONAGHY. Chloe Grace Moretz will always be Kaylie Hooper from
30 Rock to me. The best damn teen villain of all time.
2:56: Zoe Saldana looks criminally good for a woman who has recently birthed twins. Ugh. Just stop it.
3:07: "In Long Walk To Freedom, he liberated South Africa. In Zero Dark Thirty, she brought down Osama bin Laden. In A Million Ways To Die In The West, I pooped in a hat." - NPH.
3:10: OH GOD IN MEMORIAM SECTION SOMEONE GET ME TISSUES.
3:13: This tribute is visually stunning. Simply beautiful design.
3:21: Terrence Howard introducing Best Picture nominees...anyone else getting hints of Joey Tribbiani's toast at Monica & Chandler's wedding? "WHY, GOD, WHY, HOW COULD YOU TAKE THEM AWAY FROM ME?" Take it down a notch, Terry. This isn't an audition.
3:31: Idina Menzel & John Travolta presenting Best Original Song. Squeezing every last drop out of the Adele Dazeem fiasco.
3:34: And the Oscar goes to...GLORY! Yes! Well deserved, congrats to Common & John Legend.
3:36: Powerful speech by Common & John, and totally deserving of their standing ovation.
3:42: Lady Gaga performing a tribute to Sound Of Music...I'm so glad she's just singing now, she's so fucking talented, she doesn't need all the bells and whistles. AND - she is stunningly beautiful. Which you can fail to notice when she's wearing offal as outerwear.
3:46: JULIE. ANDREWS. Bow down bitches. She is aging magnificently. See, ladies of Hollywood, it is OK to age! You can do it!
4:03: The stunning Cate Blanchett out on stage to present Best Actor. Team Eddie!
4:07: And the Oscar goes to...Eddie Redmayne! Aww. He's so happy, it's adorable. I love seeing people unable to contain how freaking excited they are to be holding that little golden man.
4:11: Matthew McConaughey-hey-hey presenting Best Actress. Alright, alright, alright. I saw that the odds this morning were $1.01 for Julianne Moore to take it out...so, y'know, it's a pretty tight race here.
4:14: And the Oscar goes to Julianne, surprising absolutely no one.
4:23: "At the end, it's all about the movies." Sean Penn presenting the final award of the night, Best Picture. And the Oscar goes to...
4:25: ...Birdman! The cast & crew onstage look ecstatic, methinks they'll be hitting the bar hard tonight. Michael Keaton looks like he'd be an awesome drinking buddy. Plus, you know that man's got some stories. I'd interrogate him for hours about his 30 Rock cameo alone.
And we're out! All done for another year, and overall, it was a very predictable year. Not to say that the winners weren't deserving - incredible performances, all round - but there were no surprises.
See you next awards season!
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