Welcome to the 72nd annual Golden Globe Awards!
12:00: Aaaand we're off! (Re: time difference - I'm in Sydney, Oz, so this is being televised Monday midday, yet I'll be referring to the show as happening "tonight".)
12:01: "You despically spoiled, minimally talented brats!" And in her first line, Tina has referenced the leaked Sony emails about Angelina. God I love her.
12:03: "Boyhood proves that there are still great roles for women over 40, as long as you're hired when your under 40."
12:05: "We should explain...cake is like...a fluffy dessert that people eat on their birthdays! "And birthdays are something that people celebrate when they admit that they've aged."
12:06: Rewinding Tina's line about Amal Clooney, because it is just too good and I need to transcribe it for you so you can enjoy it with me...
Here we go: "George Clooney married Amal Alamuddin this year. Amal is a human rights lawyer who worked on the Enron case, was an advisor to Kofi Annan regarding Syria, and was elected to a three person UN commission investigating rules of war violations in the Gaza Strip...so tonight, her husband is getting a lifetime achievement award!"
12:10: "...and Sleeping Beauty thought she was just getting coffee with Bill Cosby." BIG oooohs in the room at that line.
12:12: WOW that is quite the split in Jennifer Aniston's dress. Careful on the stairs Jen!
12:14: First award: Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture. I believe I backed Ruffalo. Let's see if my blind pointing was right...
12:15: ...nope. J.K. Simmons it is!
12:17: well, my TV just skipped a bit during J.K's speech, so not sure if I've missed anything. I'm hoping it just went to an ad break!
12:20: Jeremy Renner is an Avenger, but J.Lo looks like the superhero.
12:22: Fargo wins Best Miniseries/TV Movie. I've heard it's well-deserved, so congratulations, Fargo team!
12:26: Billy Bob wins Best Actor, Miniseries/TV Movie for Fargo. Again, congrats.
12:30: Awkward North Korea bit with Meryl & Margaret Cho. Seems like it's dying in the room, too.
12:32: "HFPA President, and tall Dutch drink of water, Theo Kingma!" ...Can't comment on his tall-drink-of-water-ness, since he reminds me of another tall Dutchman - my grandfather.
12:33: Kingma receives a standing ovation for his moving statement on behalf of HFPA regarding recent global events. Very well said sir.
12:37: Best Actress - TV Series, Comedy/Musical: I backed Taylor Schilling for OITNB...
12:37: ...damn, 0 for 2. Gina Rodriguez wins for Jane the Virgin.
12:38: "Dad used to tell me to say 'today's going to be a great day - I can.' Well dad, today is a great day, I can and I did." Aww, what a beautiful speech. Happy for her.
12:39: Best TV series - Comedy/Musical. I abstained from voting in protest...
12:40: ...and Transparent wins. A seemingly deserving show, so well done to the team. I am gracious in B99-related defeat.
12:48: Johann Johannsson wins Best Original Score for The Theory Of Everything. They'll be partying in Iceland tonight.
12:49: Prince presenting Best Original Song...looking very...Prince-like.
12:51: YES! John Legend and Common win for Selma! Chrissy Teigen - Mrs Legend - is looking stunning as always.
12:52: Amazing speech by Common. Beautiful words about the faces of civil rights in America.
12:59: Best Supporting Actor in a TV Series - C'monnn Bomer...
1:00: YES! Nailed it! Matt Bomer for the win!
1:03: "And if we've learnt one thing, it's that famous people are above the law...as it should be." Love Ricky Gervais. What I also love: his drinking on stage.
1:04: Best Actress - Motion Picture, Comedy/Musical. I backed Emily Blunt...
1:05: ...damn. Ahh well, congrats Amy Adams!
1:14: Best Animated Film...I think you know how I feel about this one...
1:15: WHAT! LEGO MOVIE WAS ROBBED!! Everything is NOT awesome.
1:18: Best Supporting Actress - Motion Picture, Comedy/Musical. Team Emma!
1:18: ...damn. Congrats Patricia Arquette! Seriously though, my tips are going abysmally right now. Good thing I didn't have money on this.
1:25: Oh no, they've brought Margaret Cho's North Korean character back. Sigh.
1:27: Awkward-funny Kristen Wiig-Bill Hader bit. Reminds me of her & Will Ferrell a few years back. TOMMY LEE JONES IS UNIMPRESSED.
1:34: "It's nice that men are finally getting the recognition they deserve." Sassy Jane Fonda is brilliant.
1:35: Best Actor - TV Series, Comedy/Musical. As with the best series category, I abstained from voting. SHOW SAMBERG & BRAUGHER SOME LOVE.
1:35: Congratulations to Jeffrey Tambor, who dedicated his award to the transgender community. Lovely.
1:43: I mentioned it on Twitter, but I'll say it again here: Lupita Nyong'o is looking absolutely STUNNING tonight. I think she's my pick for Best Dressed this year.
1:47: Kate Beckinsale presenting Best Actress in Miniseries/TV Movie - all I have to say is, she loves herself a high bun.
*** Had to take a break here to put Liv down for her nap, but I'm back! Commentary is now delayed a bit, so I'll be steering clear of Twitter, lest I be spoiled.***
2:10: Tina & Amy have had a costume change. Amy is now in a sleek, sexy black and/or navy gown, and Tina - oh God, be still my heart - Tina is in a lady tux, complete with undone bowtie hanging casually around her neck.
2:12: Best TV Series - Drama. I picked Game of Thrones...
2:13: ...I AM SO BAD AT THIS. The win goes to The Affair.
2:14: So not only was The Affair's acceptance speech played off, but they couldn't get them off the stage either. They were still milling about behind Catherine Zeta-Jones as she started her intro.
2:15: Best Actor - TV Series, Drama. I picked Dominic West through the highly scientific method of closing my eyes & pointing...
2:15 ...which turns out to be a horrible method, as the award goes to Kevin Spacey for House Of Cards. Next awards show, I'm doing my research!
2:17: "This is the EIGHTH time I've been nominated...I cannot fucking believe that I won." Kevin Spacey wins best one liner in acceptance speech tonight.
2:22: "Because in a town and an industry where it is so easy to lose touch with who you are and what really matters, he has never been anything but real." Julianna Margulies and Don Cheadle are giving an amazing tribute to this years winner of the Demille Lifetime Achievement Award, George Clooney.
2:29: Oh my God, George and Amal are so cute, it kills me. I think they're going to make it guys.
2:37: "Fine, you can take your own helicopter home." - Anna Faris & Chris Pine presenting together are just adorable.
2:38: Best Actress - TV Series, Comedy/Musical. I picked Viola Davis for How To Get Away With Murder...
2:39: ...and my losing streak continues! Ruth Wilson wins for The Affair.
2:41: Best Actor - Motion Picture, Comedy/Musical. C'mon, Michael Keaton, break the streak!
2:42: The GG goes to Michael Keaton! THAT'S ONE FOR ME!
2:50: Time for Best Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy. Due to the one-two punch of musical and Kendrick, I voted Into The Woods.
2:51: Aaaaand The Grand Budapest Hotel takes it out. Wonderful.
2:56: Best Actress - Motion Picture, Drama. For once, I am #TeamJen...
2:57: OH COME ON! Julianne Moore for Still Alice. ...Although I do love Julianne, so I'm happy for her. Her turn as Nancy Donovan in 30 Rock is one of my favourite guest spots in a sitcom of all time. OF ALL TIME.
2:59: Best Actor - Motion Picture, Drama. Let's go, Redmayne, bring it home.
3:00: YES! ANOTHER FOR ME! Congratulations Eddie, such an amazing portrayal of an incredible man.
3:01: Awww, he had to cut his honeymoon short to come to the Globes. I am now extra happy that he won!
3:02: OK, we're at the tail end now, people. Best Motion Picture, Drama. I picked The Theory Of Everything...
3:03: ...but Boyhood takes it home. A deserving winner though, and one 12 years in the making!
And we're done! Sad to see the end of Tina & Amy's reign as Golden Globe queens, I don't think anyone has done it as well as they have for a long time.
And in terms of my tips...well, I don't think I need to do the maths to work out that I royally sucked. Next time - doing my research. Thank God I didn't have money on this.
If you're still reading at this point, thanks for sticking with me! We'll meet back here for the Oscars!
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