mamamedia liveblogs :: The Block Triple Threat Finale

After three months of tears, tantrums, unpaid plasterers and WINE CONSPIRACIES, another season of The Block comes to an end with tonights auction.

And apparently it's set to be a cracker, with the most money ever given away on TV. 

I know they haven't always been popular with the public, but I do hope Dea & Darren do well tonight, after last seasons disappointing result. Also, I'm slightly evil and I think the other couples would absolutely HATE it if they were to win...which would be hilarious.

So pour yourself a glass of red, settle in and join us for all the shenanigans!

7:37: And we're off!! 

7:38: Oh awesome, there's a fight to look forward to. I'm assuming its over the auction order, which always causes drama. 

7:44: Dea spotted wearing a loom band bracelet at the Opens: I'm guessing from one of her daughters or a little fan who brought it along as a present. Either way, ADORABLE.

7:47: Hah, nailed it: the fight is over the auction order. What a surprise. 

7:53: And now, for the annual Dance of the Armoured Guards. Seriously, this is ridiculous. These poor guys. 

*** At this point I was interrupted by a phone call, so am now on a 15 minute delay. RUDE. ***

8:16: I'm back! Reserves have just been revealed, as follows:

Josh and Charlotte: $1,390,000

Tim and Anastasia: $1,420,000

Jess and Ayden: $1,335,000

Dea and Darren: $1,455,000

8:18: Wait, that seemed like a really odd smash cut to the auction order discussion. For a second, I thought that my Foxtel had jumped ahead. 

8:22: I don't know why D&D are being guilted into going first, this is a competition. Every man for himself, I say.

8:24: So once again, we've gone to the hat! Order is:

1st: Tim & Anastasia

2nd: Jess & Ayden

3rd: Dea & Daz

4th: Josh & Char

8:31: Tim & Ana up first, and straight out of the block,this is massive.  First bid was $1.5m, an easy $80k profit with the first bid. And it just explodes from there! It's gone so quickly that I can't keep up, at the moment they're sitting at $2.08m, a $660k profit. Jeeeez. And to think, D&D didn't want to go first...

8:35: Sold for $2.175m, a profit of $755,000 for Tim & Anastasia. DAMN. And they say quitters never win...

8:41: Jess & Ayden up next. Let's see if there's a similar bidding frenzy...

8:43: Opening bid of $1.7m. WHAT. THE. FUCK. 

8:44: Another auction that's too fast to keep up with, at present they're on $2m and a $665k profit. 

8:45: Sold for $2m. Well done! It's at this point though that I worry about a repeat of Glasshouse: the first two auctions go gangbusters, everyone gets excited, and then the last ones die a slow and painful death. 

8:53: Time for the double D's, crossing my fingers for a win!

8:55: Opening bid of $1.9m - YES! Go you good things. 

8:56: In the space of about 90 seconds, they are now $10,000 awa- oh wait, YES they've beaten T&A! Ohh yeah. 

9:00: Sold for $2.29m, with $835k profit. #TeamDoubleDs

9:02: Josh & Charlotte are now up, and God, wouldn't it suck for them to lose whilst sitting in their own apartment, after everyone else has sat on their couch and made 6 figures?

9:03: Opening bid of $1.8m, straight away a profit of $410k. AMAZING. 

9:05: Auction on hold whilst buyer advocate Frank phones a friend, giving me a chance to catch up - currently on $2.17m, a $780k profit. 

9:07: Sold for $2.2m, a $810k profit, which means Darren & Dea take home the extra $100k, bringing their winnings to $935,000. WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK. That was INSANE. 

Well, I have to say that was a far more entertaining finale than Glasshouse. Even when I don't like the couple (cough T&A cough) you still don't really want to see them fail. And when you think about how "last place" this season still made $665,000...well, you're not really losers, are you?

Thanks for playing, Blockheads! See you next season!

Highlights from Episode 6 of Real Housewives of Melbourne

Still catching up on my recaps, obviously. Forgive me, darlings.  

:: We start off at the AFL Grand Final - Sydney Swans v Hawthorn Hawks...or HAWFORN as Gamble would say. 

:: "That's my fashion." - Lydia's explanation for wearing red & white despite backing Hawthorn. I don't blame her, few people can pull off brown & mustard. 

:: FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY CAN WE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE STOP WITH THIS BARBIE NAME BULLSHIT. I refuse to comment on this inanity further. 

:: "I'm getting really tired of the Gamble & Janet saga." - You and me both, TeensyB. You and me both. 

:: Chyka's house is so freaking gorgeous, it actually makes me hate her a little bit. 

:: "Instead of shaking his ding dong in front of someone, he can shake his butt! That's classy! Of course you can have a hens night without strippers, but why would you?" - Jackie on Gamble's hens plans. There's a part of me that would love to party with Mrs Gillies. 

:: And we're in Sydney!! I find it odd that they're staying at the Sheraton though...I don't consider it one of our ritzier hotels, but oh well. 

:: I don't understand why TeensyBlossom is so offended at the suggestion of her googling Charles Billich. She mentioned doing her research, so...Sorry, did she hit the library?

:: We follow the ladies to the Billich Gallery in The Rocks - if you're ever visiting the gallery, I highly recommend the nearby Sailors Thai for dinner and Bar 100 for cocktails afterwards. 

:: "I was trying to engage Charlie in a conversation on Melbourne vs Sydney fashion" - The most tiresome rivalry of all time. OF ALL TIME. 

:: "I've known this young woman her whole life" - I feel like this statement has less gravitas when said by a sibling. Of course you've known them their whole life. You haven't really had a choice in the matter. 

:: And, as expected, the Gamble-Janet drama blows up AGAIN after Tempest defends her sister and Janet struts off into the night. GALLERY CAT IS JUDGING YOU ALL. 

:: Cameo appearance by one of my favourite local haunts, the Observer Hotel. Lovely staff, great beer garden & they normally have a decent pub band on the weekends. My mother in laws pick as well! THE OBSERVER: Recipient of the mamamedia MIL Seal Of Approval. 

What I would've given to be sitting outside the Ob at this moment...sigh.

:: "My outfit is a bit of class, a bit of fun, and lots of sophistication." - Umm...hmmm...I....BWAHAHA. Oh, Teensy. Never change. 

:: The ladies then hit Otto on the Woolloomooloo Finger Wharf for dinner. Another spot I recommend visiting if you're ever in our fair harbour city. The strip of restaurants is top notch, it has a beautiful view of the harbour (...and the Navy base) and if you're not in the mood for fine dining, then hit up Harry's Cafe de Wheels for the best hotdogs in town....or, as Laurina famously said on last years season of The Bachelor, a "dirty street pie." ANYWAY, back to dinner: The ladies make a pact to never mention the rumours drama ever again. Hahaha. Yeah, OK. We'll see.

NEXT TIME: Gamble does it doggie (show) style, Chyka gets hands on with some male strippers and the ladies hit Manila. God help the Philippines.

Out From Under

HI FRIENDS!

I know it's been a while - it's been a busy couple of weeks at the mamamedia homestead. Husband sick, baby teething, mama not sleeping. Fun all round! (READ: I want to drown myself in a bathtub of merlot.)

Anyway, I'm hoping to have a few more posts up soon...and no, not just my Real Housewives recaps, but they were pretty much all I was up to writing of late. 

 

So, what do you have to look forward to, you ask?

!!! Logies predictions!!! Get your bookie on speed dial, you know my picks are SOLID.

!!! A treatise on the televisual delight that is Gogglebox!!!

!!! A love letter to Taylor Swift that has been floating around in my Draft folder for months that I am DETERMINED to finish!!!

!!! ...and Real Housewives recaps. You guys, I've got, like, 3 episodes on my DVR to watch & post on. They're calling out to me!!!

...And, y'know, whatever else I feel like rambling on about. It feels good to be back.

Strap yourselves in!

Highlights from Episode 5 of Real Housewives of Melbourne

Better late than never, amirite?

:: TeensyBlossom is back and dropping a cool $8k on a suit for son Nathan. They seem very close, which is sweet, but she does love drawing attention to his "strapping" physique and "cute" butt. 

:: "Don't love me to bits because of this. Love me to bits because I'm awesome." - OK, I will give her props for this. She seems to have a great attitude towards her money and her children. Out of respect, one mother to another, I'll use her proper name for this recap. You win this round Pettifleur. 

:: Gamble fangirls over Gina at a Fashion Aid event, emcee'd by the fabulous Em Rusciano. Gina auctions off a dress and Gamble brings up the Janet drama again. Yawn. 

:: Jackie escorts Janet to a "Cougar Night" of speed dating. Janet has come prepared with a list of questions. That is so cute. Meanwhile, Jackie stands on the side offering her psychic commentary and rambling on about whipping...something or other. 

:: "I think that what he's saying is I'll give you 15 minute orgasms in return for the fact that you pay for a very nice life for me...but I can probably do that myself." - Janet is a BOSS. 

:: Jackie & Ben have a meeting with Giant Model Management to find the new face of La Mascara. The look that Jackie's going for? "Someone that's shining on the inside as well as out!" The look on the scouts faces? "Oh God, what have we gotten ourselves into."

:: Jackie's psychic vibes from the headshots are just amazing: "She's a bitch." "She plays guitar." "She has five children." Just stellar. 

:: And now, to Bruce & Chyka's "chefs dinner" at The Big Group HQ. Gina was clearly enjoying the test tube soup...

:: The conversation soon turns to Lydia's sons recent wedding in Florence and she tears up talking about how her son is her child with two souls, after the loss of her firstborn. It's a really touching moment, and I think it's really great to see a woman publicly discussing her experience with infant loss, especially since so many women suffer silently. So thank you, Lydia. 

:: "Nah, none of that shit, they can all just piss off 'cause I said so." - Gina has no time for the spirits in her new house, nor Jackie's advice to smudge. 

:: Oh God, all this Barbie bullshit is so tedious. Yes, she called you nouveau-riche. Yes, she meant it in a derogatory manner. Yes, she's probably a bit of a dimwit. Can we move on please? I think Lydia said it best...

:: "It's just like the song: I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger, but she ain't hangin' with no broke...dudes...either." - Janet being both gangsta AND politically correct. 

NEXT TIME: The girls take a trip to Sydney and we meet Gamble's sister Tempest, who has some choice words for Janet. Set in my old stomping ground, the beautiful harbourside district of The Rocks.