mamamedia predicts :: The 2016 Golden Globe Awards

EXPERT PREDICTION TIME!

BEST MOTION PICTURE - DRAMA

Carol
Mad Max: Fury Road
The Revenant
Room
Spotlight

mama's pick :: I'm backing Carol. Cate Blanchett has the Midas touch. (Get it? Midas? Gold? Golden Globes? ZING.

...I'll show myself out.)

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE - DRAMA

Cate Blanchett - Carol
Brie Larson - Room
Rooney Mara - Carol
Saoirse Ronan - Brooklyn
Alicia Vikander - The Danish Girl

mama's pick :: If it's not going to be Blanchett, then I'd say it'll be Vikander.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE - DRAMA

Bryan Cranston - Trumbo
Leonardo DiCaprio - The Revenant
Michael Fassbender - Steve Jobs
Eddie Redmayne - The Danish Girl
Will Smith - Concussion

mama's pick :: Hmm. I think Eddie will take it out. Back to back Globes - go Redmayne!

BEST MOTION PICTURE - MUSICAL OR COMEDY

The Big Short
Joy
The Martian
Spy
Trainwreck

mama's pick :: Well, I had no idea that Spy had been nominated...so there you go. But I'm backing Trainwreck. I really don't care for movies, but I LOVE me some Schumer.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE - MUSICAL OR COMEDY

Jennifer Lawrence - Joy
Melissa McCarthy - Spy
Amy Schumer - Trainwreck
Maggie Smith - The Lady in the Van
Lily Tomlin - Grandma

mama's pick :: Like I said, LOVE ME SOME SCHUMER, but I don't know if the HFPA will write off Trainwreck as Amy just "playing herself" so I'm picking J.Law. Girl is on fire. Hunger Games pun totally intended.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE - MUSICAL OR COMEDY

Christian Bale - The Big Short
Steve Carell - The Big Short
Matt Damon - The Martian
Al Pacino - Danny Collins
Mark Ruffalo - Infinitely Polar Bear

mama's pick :: Oh my God, Infinitely Polar Bear might be the greatest movie title I've heard in a long time. OK, so I don't think he'll win, but I can't not use this...

BEST MOTION PICTURE - ANIMATED

Anomalisa
The Good Dinosaur
Inside Out
The Peanuts Movie
Shaun The Sheep Movie

mama's pick :: I'm picking Inside Out - which left my mother TRAUMATISED, by the way - but my Liv would most definitely be backing Shaun The Sheep. She loves that woolly bastard.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Jane Fonda - Youth
Jennifer Jason Leigh - The Hateful Eight
Helen Mirren - Trumbo
Alicia Vikander - Ex Machina
Kate Winslet - Steve Jobs

mama's pick :: Some big names in this category, and TBH, I have no idea who's winning this one. So...Helen!

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Paul Dano - Love & Mercy
Idris Elba - Beasts of No Nation
Mark Rylance - Bridge of Spies
Michael Shannon - 99 Homes
Sylvester Stallone - Creed

mama's pick :: Oh Idris. Sigh.

...Sorry, where was I? I got lost in his dreamy, dreamy eyes...much like the Duchess of Cambridge here...

"One must try not to get too flustered...but HOLY SHIT YOU ARE HOT AS BALLS."

BEST TELEVISION SERIES - DRAMA

Empire
Game of Thrones
Mr. Robot
Narcos
Outlander

mama's pick :: Hmm. Empire.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES - DRAMA

Caitriona Balfe - Outlander
Viola Davis - How To Get Away With Murder
Eva Green - Penny Dreadful
Taraji P. Henson - Empire
Robin Wright - House of Cards

mama's pick :: I think Taraji has this one...although if Viola wins and gives another kickass speech like she did at the Emmys, I will support this.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES - DRAMA

Jon Hamm - Mad Men
Rami Malek - Mr. Robot
Wagner Moura - Narcos
Bob Odenkirk - Better Call Saul
Liev Schreiber - Ray Donovan

mama's pick :: You've gotta back the Hamm, since it's his last rodeo as Don Draper. TANGENT TIME: Ray Donovan's nom reminds me of the one and only time I've every watched the show...

BEST TELEVISION SERIES - MUSICAL OR COMEDY

Casual
Mozart in the Jungle
Orange is the New Black
Silicon Valley
Transparent
Veep

mama's pick :: BROOKLYN NINE-NINE WAS ROBBBBED.

Ahem. Transparent.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES - MUSICAL OR COMEDY

Rachel Bloom - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
Jamie Lee Curtis - Scream Queens
Julia Louis-Dreyfus - Veep
Gina Rodriguez - Jane the Virgin
Lily Tomlin - Grace and Frankie

mama's pick :: Well Gina won last year...but Jamie Lee was pretty great in Scream Queens...although I don't know if that was particularly well-received...and everyone loves Veep...so I'll say Julia!

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES - MUSICAL OR COMEDY

Aziz Ansari - Master of None
Gael Garcia Bernal - Mozart in the Jungle
Rob Lowe - The Grinder
Patrick Stewart - Blunt Talk
Jeffrey Tambor - Transparent

mama's pick :: I think Jeffrey Tambor will win, but how can you not get behind the most adorable lobster ever?!

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, LIMITED SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

Uzo Aduba - Orange is the New Black
Joanne Froggatt - Downton Abbey
Regina King - American Crime
Judith Light - Transparent
Maura Tierney - The Affair

mama's pick :: Crazy Eyes for the win!

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, LIMITED SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION 

Alan Cumming - The Good Wife
Damian Lewis - Wolf Hall
Ben Mendelsohn - Bloodline
Tobias Menzies - Outlander
Christian Slater - Mr. Robot

mama's pick :: I've gotta support the homegrown boy Ben Mendelsohn!

Hey Aussies! The 73rd Golden Globe Awards are being telecast live on FOX8 from 11:00AEDST Monday morning. Don't worry if you miss it - it's being replayed on FOX8 from 7:30pm Monday night.

Earworm.

Y'know what really grinds my gears?

 

You used to call me on my cellphone...

Apparently, my fluffy dickhead of a cat thinks my topknot is a chew toy.

Late night when you need my love...

These coconut cookies are good but DAMN are they getting stuck in my teeth. Speaking of teeth, they're annoying me too. Y u hurt so much, wisdom teeth?

I know when that hotline bling...

Government websites are ridiculously convoluted. Why does one tab lead me to ten more tabs?!?

That can only mean one thing...

Ants are teensy little assholes hell bent on driving me crazy.

Ever since I left the city you...

Oh yeah and HOTLINE BLING HAS BEEN STUCK IN MY HEAD FOR A WEEK NOW.

You win this round Aubrey Graham.

Now excuse me while I go and stick a pencil in my eye.

Shout out to the good folks over at Vulture for their round-up of the best Hotline Bling gifs - if you're going to be stuck with it swirling around in your head all day errrday, the least you can do is laugh at a bunch of sweet Drake choreography.

2015 :: Year In Review

And so we find ourselves on the cusp of another new year. WHERE DID THE LAST TWELVE MONTHS GO I SWEAR IT'S ONLY FEBRUARY

Ahem. Yes, I'm that person.

Anyway. 2015! What a year! Why aye! (Yes, I've been watching the Geordie Shore marathon on MTV. DON'T JUDGE ME.)

BELATED LANGUAGE WARNING. But seriously, Vicky is the best.

What one event, big or small, are you going to tell your grandchildren about? Hmm...Probably any number of adorable things their mother did during the year. She's a clever cookie.

If you had to describe your 2015 in 3 words, what would they be? So. Much. Laundry.

What new things did you discover about yourself? That my competitive nature knows no bounds (I somehow made yoga a competitive sport...still not sure how) and that my natural gift for snarkiness can read as straight up mean in the wrong company. Some people don't get my sense of humour. That I am more resilient than I thought. Also that I am less resilient than I thought when it comes to other stuff.

What single achievement are you most proud of? My daughter is developmentally advanced for her age. CAN YOU FEEL THE SMUG EMANATING FROM THE SCREEN?

What was the best news you received? Any time Liv left the doctors with a clean bill of health. Also my MIL beating cancer.

What was your favourite place that you visited in 2015? Hmm. Probably Sydney's Northern Beaches with my little tribe, it's a beautiful part of the world.

Which of your personal qualities turned out to be the most helpful this year? My ability to function on very little sleep, probs.

Who was your number one go-to person that you could always rely on? My dad. He's the best.

Which new skills did you learn? My yoga instructor helped me finally "get" meditation. Up until then I could never get past "So...I'm just sitting here trying not to think about stuff for fifteen minutes?"

What, or who, are you most thankful for? My daughter, always.

If someone wrote a book about your life in 2014, what kind of genre would it be? A comedy, love story, drama, film noir or something else? I have no idea but, considering that I previously summed up 2015 with the words "so much laundry," I'm guessing that it wouldn't be a particularly thrilling pageturner.

What was the most important lesson you learnt in 2015? How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. (But you shouldn't eat elephants. They are magnificent creatures.)

Which mental block(s) did you overcome? Hmm...that's a toughie. I actually have no idea!

What 5 people did you most enjoy spending time with? My daughter, my husband, my mother, my father, and...my brother and sister tie for fifth.

What was your biggest break-through moment career-wise? Seeing as I've spent the year being a mum, I'll pretend that your Q relates to parenting, so...getting my daughter back into a solid sleep schedule around the ten month mark.

How did your relationship to your family evolve? Ooh, that's a good one. Well my relationship with my parents & siblings is much more of a friendship, although my dad still nags me like ever: "Jessica, have you been to the doctor yet? I'm gonna call you on Monday, you better have made an appointment!"

What book or movie affected your life in a profound way? Confession time: I do not like movies. I can only handle watching a movie if I've read the full synopsis and know what I'm in for. So...no movies. Books? I really loved The Fictional Woman by Tara Moss - she solidified a lot of my beliefs as a feminist and a mother. Brilliant.

What was your favourite compliment that you received this year? That I'm a good mum. That's the most important thing. Oh, and that I'm TOTES SKINNY, obviously.

What little things did you most enjoy during your day-to-day life? Cups of tea, all day errrday.

What cool things did you create this year? That would be my granny square blanket for Liv's first birthday...that she didn't receive until Christmas, because Mama underestimated how long it takes to make those damn squares.

What was your most common mental state this year (e.g. excited, curious, stressed)? I have a baby and insomnia, so...tired. Always tired.

Was there anything you did for the very first time in your life this year? Probably lots of mundane baby-related things, but I can't think of anything exciting like jumping out of a plane. Oh, I know! A headstand. What's up? MY LEGS, THAT'S WHAT!

What was your favourite moment spent with your friends? Probably a Xmas lunch B & I had a few weeks back with a bunch of our old mates...lots of food, lots of laughs. Good times!

What major goal did you lay the foundations for? Nee idea.

Which worries turned out to be completely unnecessary? There was a period there where it looked like we might struggle getting Xmas presents for everyone...but it all worked out at the eleventh hour. Phew.

What experience would you love to do all over again? Every moment with my baby...WHY IS SHE GROWING UP SO QUICKLY?!

What was the best gift you received? Easy: My husband had Foxtel connected as a Christmas present. SO MUCH TO WATCH!

How did your overall outlook on life evolve? Sometimes the smallest moments are the most significant. Treasure them. Stop thinking about how you could have done things differently in the past and focus on how you can do things differently in the future. If He brings you to it, He'll bring you through it.

What was the biggest problem you solved? Baby sleep. Easy.

What was the funniest moment of your year, one that still makes it hard not to burst out laughing when you think about it? 365 days spent with this little monster and you want me to narrow it down to one thing? She cracks me up every day.

What purchase turned out to be the best decision ever? Ha, that would once again be Foxtel. Oh, TV - how do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

What one thing would you do differently and why? I would go the dentist for my annual check up in May like I was supposed to, not leave it until October like an IDIOT. My wisdom tooth is being a STUPID JERK.

What do you deserve a pat on the back for? Keeping my shit together while B was hospitalised this year (he's fine by the way.)

What activities made you lose track of time? Easy: Crochet and dicking around on the Interwebz. "What do you mean three hours has passed? Shit, I better get dinner started!"

What did you think about more than anything else? Sleep. Both mine and Liv's. Closely followed by tea.

What topics did you most enjoy learning about? I've learnt a lot about the British monarchy this year actually. I don't know why, but I find them FASCINATING. For example, Princess Margaret was an absolute boss and I love her.

See? LOVE. HER.

What new habits did you cultivate? Tea & laptop time during Liv's morning naps. Time that could have been better spent actually doing housework, but...oh well. MAMA NEEDS HER DOWN TIME TOO.

What advice would you give your early-2015 self if you could? She will sleep eventually. In the meantime, enjoy the koala cuddles. Oh, and book in your dental check up for May, don't leave it until October!!!

Did any parts of your self or your life do a complete 180 this year? Well, I started the year as someone who held no great affection for dating reality shows, nor Sam Frost. But now? SAM + SASH 4EVAAAA. (A very deep & meaningful answer, I know.)

What or who had the biggest positive impact on your life this year? Liv. She makes me a better person, a stronger person every day.

So, in short, yes I am one of those boring people who has no life outside of their child. OWNING IT BITCHES!

Happy New Year everyone! I hope your 2016 is full of health, wealth and happiness. Thanks for reading, you're the best - don't let anyone tell you otherwise! 
Jess xxxx

mamamedia and Gogglebox Australia: A Love Story

I learnt an important lesson this year guys.

Like many, I was sceptical of the concept of Gogglebox when it was first advertised. You mean, it's just...watching people while they watch TV? My husband had vowed to avoid it, claiming it was the dumbest idea he'd ever heard.

And then we watched it. And didn't we just look like a couple of fools? Because Gogglebox Australia is FANTASTIC.

The secret to its success is, without a doubt, the casting. Kudos to the producers, because you've done a brilliant job. From the acid-tongued commentary of Mick & Di, to the hilarious naivety of the Jackson children, to the spot-on sarcasm of Adam & Symon, they have managed to cast a group of characters who go beyond mere entertainment. I don't want to just watch them, I want to be friends with these people! I want to sit around and eat Crust pizzas with Angie & Yvie while we bitch about the Real Housewives. I want to crack a Corona with Adam & Symon and make ranga jokes. I want to drink fairy floss cocktails with Wayne & Tom while we debate the attractiveness of Manu Feidel.

The second season is underway and it is as laugh-out-loud hilarious as it ever was. I've still got the first season sitting on my DVR and re-watch it when I feel like a giggle. So, to celebrate what has probably been my favourite program to air so far in 2015, I've gone back over S1 once more and jotted down some of my favourite exchanges...

The Bachelor Effect

SUBTITLED: Why You Shouldn't Want To Be With Anyone Who Thinks Like This Because You Deserve Way Better, Babe.

According to a survey by dating app Zoosk, a third of respondents have admitted to starting arguments with their spouses after watching the Bachelor slash Bachelorette on TV. Why? Because they aren't as romantic as ol' Sammy Boy and Frosty Fruit here...

Sam Wood & Snezana

Sam Frost & Sasha

 

OK babes, let's just cut to the chase: if your partner picks a fight - or even better, dumps you - because they think you aren't as romantic as someone on a TV show who has literally AN ENTIRE TEAM OF PEOPLE whose sole job it is to plan & produce amazing dates for them? Then they have a seriously warped idea of romance and you're probably better off. Good riddance to batshit insane rubbish. 

This article is obviously ridiculous, but the underlying issue isn't as laughable: the idea that romance is directly linked to how much money is spent. Particularly when people are comparing their relationships to The Bachelor/ette franchises. The "romance" we're seeing on screen is really nothing more than cold-hard cash changing hands between corporations: We provide you with a service/location for your date, you broadcast it to 1m+ viewers at home, name us as a production partner on your website and thank us in the credits. Everyone wins! Oh, except for the poor guys & girls at home being blasted because they're not romantic enough to have planned a helicopter flight to the Victorian ski fields, or a picnic on the pitch at the Sydney Cricket Ground. THANKS A LOT, SAM.

Sam Frost herself seemed to be mindful of this so-called "Bachelor Effect," raising her concerns with Sasha on one of their last single dates: "My biggest fear is that, when all of this is over, it is just me, and I don't have nice things ... I just don't want to be in that situation where you're with someone and they're disappointed with who you are at the end. When it is just you." Ten points to Sash, who replied: "All that material stuff for me doesn't matter. At the end of the day, if you don't have anyone there in your life to share it with, then it means nothing. If you've got each other, you don't need any of that stuff." Sam is a lucky lady.

Well, obviously.



And I must say - y'know, just in case he reads this - I'm pretty lucky myself. B has never been one for buying presents for the sake of spending money, preferring gestures that actually have meaning or significance. If I'm having a rough week, he'll surprise me with a bottle of wine or box of cannoli from our favourite pasticceria, which is guaranteed to put a smile on my face. A couple of years ago, I spent Valentine's Day in bed with a raging migraine, and he arrived home from work with a box of my favourite ricotta pastizzi. It was the best Valentine's gift I'd ever received. And since we've had Liv, one of the sweetest things he does for me is to take the baby downstairs and give me a sleep in. Oh God, how I love him when he lets me sleep in.


How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

I once had a boyfriend who was all about making the "grand gesture" - delivering bouquets of flowers to my work, or leaving jewellery on the bed. Sounds great to some, I'm sure, but it actually made me a bit sad, because more often than not the gesture had nothing to do with who I was as a person, it was all about how much he had spent. I can actually recall him giving me a necklace, then telling me he bought it because it was the first thing he saw in the store. I believe the phrase "That'll do" may have even been used. SO ROMANTIC, amirite?

Honestly, the most thoughtful gift I would receive from him was when he would come home with peanut butter M&Ms, because he knew that they're my favourite and that it's hard for me to find them here in Australia. A simple gesture that cost him a couple of bucks ended up being more touching than the shoebox full of jewellery I had at the end of the relationship. Funny that.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is: Don't let yourself be fooled by TV romance. Love shouldn't be measured by dollars spent. Show the one you love how much you care by showing that you know them, that you have considered them, no matter how small the gesture might seem. Because sometimes the smallest is the sweetest.

You deserve more than a manufactured date for television. If someone tells you otherwise, then fuck that noise. You're worth more than that.

And remember: roses die, jewellery tarnishes, but ricotta-filled pastries are forever. 

Welcome To The Wine Bar

Wine bar: GIN EDITION.

Oh guys. I actually started writing this post last night, but then #ALLOFTHEGIN happened.

Let me tell you: It has been a bitch of a week. I've had a nasty infection in one of my wisdom teeth, my phone shattered, I've had trouble sleeping - #insomniaclyfe - and then a million other tiny little things have all just snowballed into one big thing, you know?

Like last night for example: I had half changed into my pyjamas and had to run downstairs with an armful of laundry and empty baby bottles. So I'm topless, and it's only when I reach the kitchen that I realise that one of the bottles has tipped upside down and I now have milk running down my stomach. At this point, I should mention that I have a funny thing about milk on my skin, it really freaks me out. I can milk cows, I can drink milk, I just can't handle it touching me. Don't know why. So B walks into the kitchen to find me half naked and sobbing because I am the kind of person who will literally cry over spilt milk.

Being the awesome dude that he is, he cancelled his plans to head out with a mate and stayed home to make me gin and tonics. WHY I MARRIED HIM, LADIES AND GENTS! And so, #ALLOFTHEGIN happened...

 

...Because drunk tweeting is the best kind of tweeting, obvi.

And yes, Sam & Sasha were the best thing to happen last week, I don't know what I would have done had she chosen Michael. These two are so freaking adorable, I have never been so invested in a relationship that wasn't my own. A shout out to the Buzzfeed Australia team who also share my undying love for The Pasha.

WHO DOESN'T? #TeamSasha

Anyway, how was your weekend? Have you been squee-ing at Sam & Sash as much as I have? Was your week shit as well? Let's commiserate together!

Oh, and also - a quick hello to any Russians who happen to be reading this, you guys have popped up in my stats this week in a huge way, which I find both curious and delightful. Thanks for reading!

A (not really) Final Word on The Bachelorette Australia

Congratulations, Sam and Sasha!!!

Source: Tenplay

Last night saw the conclusion of the first season of The Bachelorette Australia and in an ending that surprised absolutely none of us - particularly not after the Daily Mail's spoilsport moment - Sam Frost finally declared her love for Sasha Mielczarek. ABOUT TIME SAM I'VE ONLY BEEN WAITING FIVE WEEKS FOR THIS.

As I type this, it's 1:30 in the morning, my husband has passed out on the couch, I'm drinking Pepsi straight out of a 1.25L bottle and I'm watching the finale for the fifth time since last night. In short, it's a raging Friday night at mamamedia manor.

In all seriousness though, it was the most heartfelt, beautiful moment I think I've ever witnessed on a TV program. Sam jigging on the spot as she struggles to hold it together in front of Sash? Sasha whispering "Really?" after Sam tells him that she loves him - an echo of Sam's response to his L-bomb earlier - then pulling her in for one of their most passionate kisses yet? How could you not tear up at that?

But the clincher was this line from the barely-keeping-it-under-control Sam: "I never could understand why I had been hurt so much and I never could understand why my relationships weren't working out...and then I met you. And I realised that I've been waiting my whole life to meet you." Oh God. Been there. As the kids say, RIGHT IN DEM FEELS.

I enjoyed The Bachelorette so much more than I was expecting to, and that enjoyment is pretty much entirely down to the chemistry between Sasha & Sam. From the first episode, I was completely invested in their relationship and needed to see it through to the end. Because of this, I do really want to finish up the rest of the season's recaps - some are half completed in my Draft folder, give me a break I've been sick - but I'll see how I go. (I'll be honest guys: it's been a shit couple of weeks, health/technology wise. To quote Zap Brannigan from Futurama, the spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. ...of course, he wasn't so much sick as he was oversexed, but anyway. It was the first thing that came to mind. Anyway. Where were we?)

Since it's now all of a sudden 3:00 in the morning - time flies when you fall into a Sam&Sash interview wormhole - and I'll have a tiny human demanding my attention in about 4 hours, I should probably head up to bed. I'll finish with sincere congratulations once again to the happy couple - May you enjoy a long and happy life together, full of health, wealth and happiness. And children, because let's face it, your kids will be BABES.

Source: Tenplay