Like many, I was sceptical of the concept of Gogglebox when it was first advertised. You mean, it's just...watching people while they watch TV? My husband had vowed to avoid it, claiming it was the dumbest idea he'd ever heard.
And then we watched it. And didn't we just look like a couple of fools? Because Gogglebox Australia is FANTASTIC.
The secret to its success is, without a doubt, the casting. Kudos to the producers, because you've done a brilliant job. From the acid-tongued commentary of Mick & Di, to the hilarious naivety of the Jackson children, to the spot-on sarcasm of Adam & Symon, they have managed to cast a group of characters who go beyond mere entertainment. I don't want to just watch them, I want to be friends with these people! I want to sit around and eat Crust pizzas with Angie & Yvie while we bitch about the Real Housewives. I want to crack a Corona with Adam & Symon and make ranga jokes. I want to drink fairy floss cocktails with Wayne & Tom while we debate the attractiveness of Manu Feidel.
The second season is underway and it is as laugh-out-loud hilarious as it ever was. I've still got the first season sitting on my DVR and re-watch it when I feel like a giggle. So, to celebrate what has probably been my favourite program to air so far in 2015, I've gone back over S1 once more and jotted down some of my favourite exchanges...
Thanks for joining the fun! [No Ep.1 unfortunately, it had been deleted already, boooo.]
EPISODE TWO
"She's a human, and she has the right to live, but...what a waste of space." - Yvie on Kim Kardashian
Angie & Yvie
"You know what I love about straight men & sports? They love touching each other on the arse and kissing, and they have a go at us gays." - Wayne on the Cricket World Cup
"Oh my God, I love it! I'm gonna try that in da clubz." - Angie is picking up tips from the mating rituals of silverback gorillas
...Oh, and the boys ate plastic bags. Because OF COURSE they did.
EPISODE THREE
"For an 85 year old, those boobs are sensational!" - Angie on Real Housewife of Melbourne, Janet
"When I was 14, I was busy, fuckin', scratching my arse and bumping into things." - Yvie on the 14yr old wunderkind on Shark Tank
"Shh, it's my biggest fear." - Matt & Kate on walking whilst texting
The Dalton family
"So, with our terrible graphics, we've only got shit actors to go with it."
"Did you say shit actors?"
"They're my favourite!" - Adam & Symon on the "stinkbag of a show" Australia: The Story Of Us. I'm sure Channel 7 LOVED this part.
"Did you say shit actors?"
"They're my favourite!" - Adam & Symon on the "stinkbag of a show" Australia: The Story Of Us. I'm sure Channel 7 LOVED this part.
"That's what happens when you work with Tom Cruise: You either become a Scientologist, or a lesbian." - Yvie on Top Gun
"Spit it out!!"
"It's not gonna help, I'm already infected!"
"I'm not looking after you when you're sick now, that's your own fault!" - Stacey to son Corey, who had just ingested some suspicious Nanna's frozen berries
The Jackson family
EPISODE FOUR
"DILFie! ...If that's all you get, I'd be late all the time...especially if my dad was that hot!" - Angie has a thing for Captain von Trapp and his proclivity for spanking
"Why do you have 4 pillows?"
"In case someone stays over!"
"No one's staying over Adam." - Symon cuts Adam deep.
"Do you want some pizza? I got you a gluten free one...so you don't shit your pants." - The definition of friendship, according to Yvie.
"It's repulsive but magnificent, all at the same time." - Matt succintly sums up the appeal of Embarrassing Bodies
"They're such a multicultural team. That's nice."
"Yeah, that's the great thing about cocaine. It brings people of all races together." - The Kidd family, putting a positive spin on the NRL drug scandal
"Oh look, it's a goat."
"I don't know why you hate goats!"
"Ugh. They annoy me! Look at 'em!" - Wayne on goats: not a fan.
"You know what I can't stand about him? He's fucking preachy. 'Feed the children this, give the children that.' Give 'em fucking Macca's, who gives a shit." - Tom is clearly on board with Jamie Oliver's food revolution.
"They think it's all about having sex, but it's actually about love." - Tom hits the nail on the head whilst watching Stephen Fry's doco on homosexuality
"The part that just intrigues me about this show is that they're called 'housewives,' but there's nothing to do with being a housewife? It's like the 'house hookers!'" - Like most of us, Di finds the Real Housewives to be a title that plays fast & loose with the truth
"You're not Willy Wonka, Heston! Wonka had a chocolate river and bubblegum that made you fly. Heston's got a sandwich." - Adam on Heston's Fantastical Feasts
"Coconut vendor?!"
"If you say that again, I'm going to kill you."
"...Coconut vendor." - Mick struggles to wrap his head around Vince's job description on Survivor: Worlds Apart. Don't worry Di, I think we've all had this moment with our significant other...
"He's picking up Emma Watson! That's the biggest win for redheads since Ron Weasley picked up Emma Watson." - Adam on Prince Harry
"How many friends of hers are lactating?! The bitch has opened her own dairy!" - Wayne on cheapskate Apple, who collects breast milk from her girlfriends
"I can't believe you don't understand things about perms, it's extraordinary." - Di, shocked at Mick's lack of haircare knowledge
"But we're not best friends with them, like I don't know their business, I don't sleep with their husbands, I don't eat dinner with them, I don't kill them and then find them again in a few years time. I don't know them THAT well." - Angie on Neighbours
"Who thinks of these shows?!"
"Sex addicts." - Anastasia & Faye quickly get to the heart of Dutch nude dating phenomenon, Adam Looking For Eve.
Adam demonstrates his impressive time-travel technique...
"You don't feed children sticks!!" - Tom, aghast by Bubba Yum Yum, the controversial children's cookbook by Paleo Pete
"Did he make Sound of Music? No. Did he make Moulin Rouge? No. So why the fuck would I care who he is?" - Tom on Steven Spielberg
"Funny story about Titanic: A girl in my Year 9 class thought Titanic was fake, not a real story, because! Because icebergs aren't real. She didn't think icebergs existed, so hence, Titanic was fake. Same girl also thought the Moon was closer than Sydney, because you can't see Sydney." - Adam obviously went to school with a real Rhodes scholar here.
"How come her cleavage starts up here? Oh, is that what it's like to have big boobs? Aww man! I guess I'll never know." - Angie on Selling Houses Australia's Shaynna Blaze
"You look beautiful dear. Have I told you how good you look in that? You'd look better out of it but..." - Keith, such a romantic
"So maybe you should put your hand up for this show?"
"Don't be stupid, we'd kill each other."
"...I wasn't suggesting I'd be your partner." - Mick to My Kitchen Rules: No thank you.
"Oh my God! Shit! DAAADDDD TURN OFF THE WATER THE WHOLE HOUSE IS FLOODING!!!" - An exciting start to the episode at the Dalton residence
The boys had a #duckfaceemergency...
"Get a fucking job!"
"He has a job! He's selling pot!" - Wayne & Tom have very different ideas on employment
"Yeah, that's the great thing about cocaine. It brings people of all races together." - The Kidd family, putting a positive spin on the NRL drug scandal
The Kidd family
"Oh look, it's a goat."
"I don't know why you hate goats!"
"Ugh. They annoy me! Look at 'em!" - Wayne on goats: not a fan.
Wayne & Tom
"You know what I can't stand about him? He's fucking preachy. 'Feed the children this, give the children that.' Give 'em fucking Macca's, who gives a shit." - Tom is clearly on board with Jamie Oliver's food revolution.
"They think it's all about having sex, but it's actually about love." - Tom hits the nail on the head whilst watching Stephen Fry's doco on homosexuality
EPISODE FIVE
"The part that just intrigues me about this show is that they're called 'housewives,' but there's nothing to do with being a housewife? It's like the 'house hookers!'" - Like most of us, Di finds the Real Housewives to be a title that plays fast & loose with the truth
"You're not Willy Wonka, Heston! Wonka had a chocolate river and bubblegum that made you fly. Heston's got a sandwich." - Adam on Heston's Fantastical Feasts
"Coconut vendor?!"
"If you say that again, I'm going to kill you."
"...Coconut vendor." - Mick struggles to wrap his head around Vince's job description on Survivor: Worlds Apart. Don't worry Di, I think we've all had this moment with our significant other...
"Give me strength..."
"He's picking up Emma Watson! That's the biggest win for redheads since Ron Weasley picked up Emma Watson." - Adam on Prince Harry
"How many friends of hers are lactating?! The bitch has opened her own dairy!" - Wayne on cheapskate Apple, who collects breast milk from her girlfriends
EPISODE SIX
"I can't believe you don't understand things about perms, it's extraordinary." - Di, shocked at Mick's lack of haircare knowledge
"But we're not best friends with them, like I don't know their business, I don't sleep with their husbands, I don't eat dinner with them, I don't kill them and then find them again in a few years time. I don't know them THAT well." - Angie on Neighbours
"Who thinks of these shows?!"
"Sex addicts." - Anastasia & Faye quickly get to the heart of Dutch nude dating phenomenon, Adam Looking For Eve.
Adam demonstrates his impressive time-travel technique...
"You don't feed children sticks!!" - Tom, aghast by Bubba Yum Yum, the controversial children's cookbook by Paleo Pete
"Did he make Sound of Music? No. Did he make Moulin Rouge? No. So why the fuck would I care who he is?" - Tom on Steven Spielberg
EPISODE SEVEN
"Funny story about Titanic: A girl in my Year 9 class thought Titanic was fake, not a real story, because! Because icebergs aren't real. She didn't think icebergs existed, so hence, Titanic was fake. Same girl also thought the Moon was closer than Sydney, because you can't see Sydney." - Adam obviously went to school with a real Rhodes scholar here.
"How come her cleavage starts up here? Oh, is that what it's like to have big boobs? Aww man! I guess I'll never know." - Angie on Selling Houses Australia's Shaynna Blaze
"You look beautiful dear. Have I told you how good you look in that? You'd look better out of it but..." - Keith, such a romantic
Lee & Keith
"So maybe you should put your hand up for this show?"
"Don't be stupid, we'd kill each other."
"...I wasn't suggesting I'd be your partner." - Mick to My Kitchen Rules: No thank you.
EPISODE EIGHT
"Oh my God! Shit! DAAADDDD TURN OFF THE WATER THE WHOLE HOUSE IS FLOODING!!!" - An exciting start to the episode at the Dalton residence
The boys had a #duckfaceemergency...
"Get a fucking job!"
"He has a job! He's selling pot!" - Wayne & Tom have very different ideas on employment
"My dad was a bit of a dick." - Angie has father issues...because he made her garden as a child. THE MONSTER!!!
"That was tragic, that breakup." - Mick is surprisingly invested in One Direction.
"That was tragic, that breakup." - Mick is surprisingly invested in One Direction.
"Would you?"
"Gordon Ramsay? I'd rather shit in my hands and clap." - Sorry Gordo, you won't be getting in Angie's pants anytime soon.
"Gordon Ramsay? I'd rather shit in my hands and clap." - Sorry Gordo, you won't be getting in Angie's pants anytime soon.
EPISODE NINE
"Do you remember that time we went [on a cruise]?"
"Ugh, it was fucking hideous. We went sailing around the South Pacific dodging 2 cyclones and an underwater earthquake, then they thought a tidal wave was coming. The pool was shut, the bar was shut, I broke my finger. That poor 21 yr old kid died from an aneurysm, that 75 yr old guy died, and our bar bill was more than the cruise when we got back to port. It was 14 days of hell!" - Tom & Wayne: new P&O spokesmen.
"Ugh, it was fucking hideous. We went sailing around the South Pacific dodging 2 cyclones and an underwater earthquake, then they thought a tidal wave was coming. The pool was shut, the bar was shut, I broke my finger. That poor 21 yr old kid died from an aneurysm, that 75 yr old guy died, and our bar bill was more than the cruise when we got back to port. It was 14 days of hell!" - Tom & Wayne: new P&O spokesmen.
"It's Chris Lilley's fault that people like you call people like me rangas."
"I wish I went to your school."
"Why? You would have graduated before I even started high school! It would've made you feel real tough to pick on a 13 year old when you were about 35..."
"...Jeez, Chris Lilley really cut you, didn't he!" - Adam has a lot of feelings when it comes to ranga jokes.
*googling* "What. Is. Lamb." - Holly's school has a lot to answer for.
"So if a third of the world is made up of meat, what's the other two-thirds made up of?"
"Desert...and fish." - Anastasia and Faye break down the farming industry
"Desert...and fish." - Anastasia and Faye break down the farming industry
"Nooo plaaaace liiiiiike hoooommmeee!!!" - Patrick Delpechitra serenades his family. And it's beautiful.
The Delpechitra family
EPISODE TEN
"Gina's not bitchy, but she stands up for what she believes in like Martin Luther King did." - I continue to be concerned about Holly's school. As does mum Kate by the looks of things...
"You drive me to drink. I didn't drink before I met you."
"You were drunk when I met you!!"
"...Oh yeah." - Tom & Wayne
"You were drunk when I met you!!"
"...Oh yeah." - Tom & Wayne
"What county is Qatar in?"
"India." - Seriously, what school do the Dalton girls attend?
"India." - Seriously, what school do the Dalton girls attend?
...God, this show is fantastic. If you haven't been watching, get on the G-train NOW.
Gogglebox Australia airs Wednesday nights from 9:30pm on the Lifestyle Channel and Thursday nights from 8:30pm on Channel Ten for any of you babes without Foxtel.
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