Lessons Learnt from Episode 2 of Go Back To Where You Came From

Hope you've got your notebooks handy!

:: "I think these boats are a good idea!" A rational reaction after seeing your own sister so distressed that she threatens to jump overboard after spending a relatively short amount of time on a lifeboat. #JodiLogic

:: "This is bullshit! This is crap. I can't believe we do this. This is wrong." At the beginning of the premiere, I picked that Andrew would be the one most likely to change his views on the issue, and so far, he's proving me right.

"We are being cruel for no reason" - Andrew

:: "I had a pretty good day today. Saw my first sunrise in probably ten years - and it was beautiful!" You could say that Jodi here is just putting a positive spin on things...you could also say she's being a callous dick. Your call though!

:: Speaking of lovely Jodi, you know how they say a picture is worth a thousand words? Well, take a look at this shot and tell me that it doesn't perfectly demonstrate the respect that each sister has for the country in which they've found themselves...

:: "That's his own fault, I guess. Is that [your children being kidnapped] a reason to jump the queue?" Jodi's response to a Rohingya refugee who failed to reach Australia with his family and is now being threatened by a trafficker. Much like a teenage girl, I JUST CAN'T EVEN. #JodiLogic

*** At this point in the episode, I had to take a break to have a little cry; between Jodi's heartlessness and the desperation of the Iraqi family speaking to Kim, Nicole & Andrew...I can only take so much misery. This world can be a very dark place.

OK, I've rallied, let's get back into it: We pick up with our reunited group of 6, discussing the idea of "the queue" in Indonesia.

:: "What about people who are worse off?" Jodi comes back to this idea constantly. I have to wonder, who in her mind is the "worst off"? I sense the reason she keeps circling back to this justification is this is her way of avoiding any obligation to feel compassion, by reminding herself that "there will be someone, somewhere, worse off than this guy. Ergo, I don't need to feel bad for him." #JodiLogic

:: "Well, they're going to have to wait it out until the system is fixed." - Kim's solution to the broken re-settlement process. #KimLogic. I don't know if anything else needs to be said, other than to add this photo of Renee, Andrew & Nicole's reaction to that statement...I'm pretty sure they're all counting to ten and reciting the Serenity Prayer in their heads right now...

*** Once Nicole, Andrew & Kim landed in the Syrian refugee camp, I needed to take another break to cry. So many children. Like Andrew, I feel the helplessness, and I just wish there was something we could do.

:: "I'm learning that I'm human." Well done to Andrew for being big enough to admit that he was misinformed, and for finding the compassion for refugees that so many Australians seem to lack. If only everyone had his humility.

:: "I can't imagine being in this situation, but if I was, I would try to escape. Even if it meant getting on a boat." And THERE it is. The penny is finally dropping for Jodi. I was worried it would never happen!

:: "We need to dump the UN." - Just in case you thought everyone was having a change of heart, Kim's here to educate us all as to what exactly Australia needs to do in order to shirk our responsibilities, vis-à-vis that pesky Refugee Convention thingamajig. Being a signatory is totes annoying, amirite? #KimLogic

Tonight, our intrepid six end their journey in the belly of the beast - will they survive Syria? WHO CAN SAY. 

The final episode of Go Back To Where You Came From airs tonight on SBS at 8:30pm. Catch up on Episode 1 here.

Lessons Learnt from Episode 1 of Go Back To Where You Came From

A NOTE FROM MAMAMEDIA: I'll begin by making my feelings on the issue of asylum seekers very clear: I am opposed to our government's immigration & border patrol policies. I am embarrassed to call Tony Abbott our Prime Minister and as for former Immigration Minister Scott Morrison, I find him to be an absolutely appalling excuse for a man. No matter what he achieves in his political career, to me he will always be the man who opposed an eight year old orphan coming onshore to attend his parents funerals.
As our anthem states: We've boundless plains to share.
You are welcome here.

L-R: Jodi, Renee, Nicole, Kim, Davy and Andrew 

Last night saw the premiere of the third season of SBS's award winning program, Go Back To Where You Came From. For 25 days, we follow 6 ordinary Australians as they walk that proverbial mile in the shoes of an asylum seeker: from their new lives in Australia, to their terrifying journey across the seas, back to their origins in countries torn apart by conflict.

Our participants this season are:
Davy, a former boat person himself, who considers today's asylum seekers "queue jumpers"
Kim, a Stop The Boats campaigner
Nicole, a detention centre whistleblower
Renee & Jodi, sisters with opposing views on the issue of asylum seekers
Andrew, a "tough talking teacher" opposed to boat people but adamant he is not racist

Tonight's premiere had much to teach us...prepare to take notes.

:: Kim Vuga apparently believes in "speaking kindly, caring deeply, giving generously" ...just not when it comes to those nasty people on boats apparently...

:: 'ENGLISH' LESSON: There is no 'L' in Australia, guys. It's just Austraya. /Au-stray-YUH/. You're welcome.

:: If you flee persecution in Iraq & Syria and end up in Malaysia - a country that is not a signatory to the UN Refugee Convention and therefore has no duty or obligation to recognise & protect you - then you have escaped danger, all is well with the world and you no longer have grounds to seek asylum anywhere else. So just go chill in KL or something. Enjoy a sambal and be grateful! ...Welcome to ANDREW LOGIC.

:: 'ENGLISH' LESSON: 'Visceral" is pronounced with a hard 'C' sound. Vis-cuh-rel.

:: "Are we in Australia right now? I can't see one Australian person." Welcome to JODI LOGIC. So I guess she means that if you're not in boardies or something adorned with a Southern Cross, then you've basically revoked your citizenship. Hey Jodi, here's some simple math I'm sure even you can understand: You're in Australia + You're looking at people = You're seeing Australian people.

:: "I wonder how dire their situation actually is." Because apparently, being branded rebels and killed because of your religion isn't dire enough. #JodiLogic

:: "Ammar, I don't want to offend you here..." In Kim's world, this is what you say just before you offend someone. #KimLogic

"I've just made you cry, now please, take a tissue." #KimLogic

:: "I don't think his situation is as dire as someone else's situation." - #JodiLogic: Someone else has it worse than you? WOMP WOMP ACCESS DENIED.

:: "I reckon that's bullshit. I don't believe that people can be stateless, because everybody comes from somewhere, and will have relatives or a group of people...no one can be born somewhere and then end up absolutely nowhere." As you can tell, Kim has an absolutely OUTSTANDING grasp on international relations, particularly those of the Middle East. #KimLogic

:: 'ENGLISH' LESSON: Traitor /tray-tuh/ (noun): Someone who supports the right to seek asylum. #KimLogic

Nicole is judging you. HARD.

:: "While youse are worrying about the mental health conditions of the people in there, we have children who are self-harming and suiciding - AUSTRAYAN children in AUSTRAYA" - Because if you care about the health of asylum seekers, you clearly don't give a rats about mentally ill youth. #KimLogic

:: "These guys could riot tonight!" - Because if you treat asylum seekers with human compassion, they will obviously then rise up against you. "Those nice people waved at us! LET'S BURN THIS MOTHER DOWN." #KimLogic

:: "This is why I'm so against people smugglers" - Umm, other than the smugglers themselves, is anyone really FOR people smuggling??? We all acknowledge that it's horrific. But you can be anti-smuggling without being anti-asylum seeker.

And so we end on a preview of tonight's episode, which sees our participants experience what it's like to be "turned back." I've gotta be honest...I'm kind of holding out hope for a Kim Overboard situation.
On a final serious note: I hope people noticed how much it meant for Ammar and his family to have official documentation stating they finally have a place to call home. The issue doesn't get any more simple than that, and this truly was the most powerful moment of the whole episode for me. We all just want a place to call home.

Welcome to Australia Ammar!

Episode 2 of Go Back To Where You Came From airs tonight at 8:30 on SBS.

mamamedia recaps :: Episode 5 of The Voice Australia

RRROWWR! That cat scratch noise is for all the women of Australia who are ready to scratch out the eyes of The Voice producers for pursuing this downright insulting DELTA V JESSIE storyline. It kicks off now, so strap yourself in!

SPINNERS AND GRINNERS

Stewart Winchester, 24 :: First up tonight is music teacher Stewart who has apparently never been in love. Well, I'm sure there are plenty of ladies at home who are willing to change that after hearing his beautiful performance of Sam Smith's Lay Me Down. Including our lovely Delta, who pulls out the hardcore flirting to try and steal Stewart away from the rest of the coaches...although it doesn't get her very far, what with Benji interrupting and Jessie cracking up. In the end, Jessie's focus on vocals sways Stu to her team, and Delta is left to hurl her fan to the floor in frustration.

Poor Delta.

Sarah Valentine, 22 :: Interior designer by day, wedding singer by night, Sarah is determined to "stop living her back-up plan" and follow her dreams. She sings Summertime Sadness by Lana Del Rey and turns the chairs of the Mad Bros and Ricky. I was expecting her to be wooed by Mr Samba Pants, but surprisingly, Sarah decides to join Team Madden.

Lize Heerman, 27 :: After moving to WA for love, South African Lize has set her sights on The Voice stage, performing Nina Simone's My Baby Just Cares For Me. Ricky & the Maddens turn at the last second and, after a bit of disagreement between Jessie & Delta about how good her performance may or may not have been, Liza With An E chooses Ricky.

Nathan Hawes, 17 :: Beach bum Nathan is auditioning alongside best friend Grace...although Sonia seems to think they could be more, as she turns into the embarassing mum grilling them backstage. He performs an acoustic rendition of Drake's Hold On, We're Going Home which the coaches all praise. SUPER SLEUTH TIME: this arrangement doesn't appear to be Nathan's handiwork; rather, it seems to be taken from none other than Team Joel alum Lakyn Heperi's EP, Not Original Material. Anyway, back to Nathan: his audition is pretty spectacular, and the coaches agree, with all four chairs turning. They all pitch hard, with Jessie telling Nathan that he's her favourite audition so far, but it's clear to everyone how badly the Mad Bros want him on their team. Lucky for them, the feeling is mutual!

Grace Pitts, 17 :: Nathan's bestie is the last audition of the night, singing Jolene by Dolly Parton. FUN FACT: My friend's husband was once being pursued by an obsessive woman named Jolene, so we went to dinner on the wharf in Woolloomooloo, drank copious amounts of alcohol and sang this little ditty all night long. Good times. Anyway, back to Grace! Her peformance turns the chairs of Delta and the Mad Bros and although they try hard to lure her to their team, Grace is a smart enough cookie to realise that joining them could very well mean going up against her mate in the Battles and chooses to join Team Delta.

BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME, KID

Tina "Mys T" Alcarez, 22 :: Youtuber Tina has branded herself already, saying "Lady Gaga has her monsters, Mys T's gonna have her Mystifiers." Well unfortunately, no one was Mystified today by Tina's uneven performance of Lips Are Moving by Meghan Trainor. For a second there, it looked as though Ricky was considering hitting his button, but pulled back after T missed the big final note. Props to her family though for being supportive enough to wear I'VE BEEN MYSTIFIED! shirts on national TV.

Sam Rabbone, 37 :: Father of three Sam is singing for his mum who is back home in Perth battling terminal lung cancer. He sings the beautiful ballad All Of Me by John Legend but sadly fails to turn any chairs. Poor Sonia seems genuinely devastated for him.

Blake Galera-Holliss, 27 :: Tonight's most controversial audition would have to be young Blake here, who has been in a rock band since high school and decides to put an Oz rock twist on My Heart Will Go On. Mini Celine Delta LOVES it, clutching her chest and singing along. Jessie and Ricky however, are clearly baffled as to why someone would perform this, saying how "terrible" a song choice it is. After he's finished, an argument breaks out between the coaches over whether or not it was an appropriate audition piece or something that should be relegated to the karaoke clubs. As far as Delta's concerned though, he'll always be her Jack.

"It's just like I always imagined it would be..."

 

YOUR DAILY DOSE OF SCHAUDENFREUDE

I normally leave out the "reject montages" - artists that don't make it through but aren't given an entire segment - but there was a familiar face in tonight's reel. Remember winners of Popstars, Scandal'us? "Me, Myself and I-I-I-I-I-IIII" ringing any bells? Well then, you might recognise Miss Daniela Scala here. She tried to sneak in there with a shaky, shouty rendition of Pleasure And Pain. Jessie tells Daniela to "keep performing, keep practising" and I would have loved to see her respond with "Practice?! I WON one of these shows! DON'T YOU BITCHES KNOW WHO I AM?!?"

THE TL;DR VERSION

Nathan loves Grace (at least in Sonia's mind), Delta loves everyone, and sadly for Daniela, nobody loves Scandal'us. Womp womp.

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER :: Highlights from Episode 10 of Real Housewives of Melbourne

Before we start - I've recently caught up on the first season of RHOM, and holy shitballs, this season is TAME in comparison, right? Lydia was a BITCH, I'm not surprised she's being so quiet this time around. I now understand why I was hearing so much yapping about it last year. Jeeeeez.

:: We open with Gamble and Wolf Pup shopping for six figure diamonds, y'know, as you do. I had to laugh at the expression on the jeweller's face when Gamble was rattling off her & Rick's past marriages. Also, are there actually non-television jewellers out there happy to send you home with diamonds to test drive?

"How in the everloving fuck did I end up with these two..."

:: As much as I love their mother-daughter shenanigans, something odd jumped out at me during Chyka and Chessie's shopping jaunt: As they discusses their purchases, Chessie said a few things that made it sound as though Bruce was picking up the tab...I would think such a fabulous working woman as Cheeks would have her own card to flash around town? Hmm. Curiouser and curiouser...I mean, if you're a weirdo nitpicker like me who notices these things...

:: Ahh, women. The things we put ourselves through in the name of beauty. My aunt likes to say "Beauty knows no pain." Well, beauty might not but Jackie sure did. PRO TIP: Race days are LOOONG days. If your neck is aching before you've even arrived, you've made a poor millinery choice.

:: Noticed this guy in the background. Dude. YOU ARE IN A MARQUEE. Wherefore art thou suit? Seriously, he doesn't appear to be working the event: How dafuq did he get into a marquee on Derby Day in a T-shirt?!? WE'VE GOT A BROKEN ARROW PEOPLE NO ONE IS MANNING THE GATES.

:: "Do you realise that Botox is actually paralysing the muscles?" - OH MY GOD PETTIFLEUR NO FREAKING WAY THAT IS BRAND NEW INFORMATION /sarcasm.

:: "On the third level there is this amazing rooftop garden designed by Jamie Durie - and you can even see the horses from there!" - That's good Janet, it is nice to be able to see the horses AT THE FUCKING RACES.

:: I would love to think that the launch of The Bitch Switch Switch The Bitch means that we won't hear any more of it...but I'm not holding my breath. It might've been a dick move, but I do love that Gamble forced TeensyBlossom to admit that she's self publishing. She might spin it as a way for her to retain creative control, but I'd be willing to put money on the fact not a single publisher saw a market for it. Which is often the case when someone produces a vanity project: they're creating for themselves, not for consumers. No market = no money.

:: I had to laugh when Lydia admitted to not reading the book, as she "didn't have the time" for it. Sweet Lydia, it's 190 pages long. The issue of Vanity Fair I'm reading at the moment has more pages. Although...are we sure that Lydia can read?

:: By the way, if you're after an evil afternoon of schadenfreude, do yourself a favour and take a look at the Amazon reviews for Switch The Bitch. It's...every bit as amazing as you expect! (read: people are asking for their money back.)

:: There truly is no love like that between a son and his stepmother...

:: And here is where I white knight for Gamble re: her aversion to strippers. Not all women enjoy having a strange man's torso thrust in their face, no matter how ripped he may be. I have no problems with strippers - in my pre-baby days, I visited plenty of strip clubs with B and our mates and have received lap dances from female performers - but I would probably behave the same as Gamble with a male stripper. If I wanted greased up pecs all up in my grill, I'd be home with my husband and a bottle of Crisco.

:: I love that Chyka of all people is the one to gift Gamble a box of sex toys. Nice one, Keebaugh. I did enjoy watching these middle aged women trying to figure out the egg. If any of you are still curious: it's a male masturbator. Honey Birdette has a range if that sort of thing floats your boat! Once when I was in store, I had a (female, calm down) staff member demonstrate the egg for me, they are...interesting.

NEXT TIME: We finish the season on a high note, and by high, I mean that Pettifleur's 50th celebrations look completely cracked out.

Catch up on previous Season 2 recaps here...
Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3
Episode 4
Episode 5
Episode 6
Episode 7
Episode 8
Episode 9

mamamedia recaps :: Episode 4 of The Voice Australia

Yep, still slowly working my way through The Blinds.

Before we start: Can I just say how much I'm loving Ricky in his mint leather jacket? So suave.

SPINNERS AND GRINNERS

 

Jason Howell, 25 :: Jason performs what might just be the funkiest remix ever of Sexy And I Know It by LMFAO. Unlike most auditions, the song choice wasn't revealed to us at the beginning and it was really only once the chorus began that you were sure of what he was singing. After some initial hesitatation from Benji, the Mad Bros hit their buzzer, impressed with Jason's abililty to transform a naff novelty hit to something actually soulful. 

 

Jo De Goldi, 46 :: Jo is lovely. There. I said it. A former circus performer turned dance & circus teacher, Jo is an "old woman" (pshaw!) and "embarassing mother" (UM, HELLO? YOU WERE IN THE CIRCUS) who, to quote Joel, "sang the shit out of" Streisand classic Don't Rain On My Parade. Her booming performance turned the chairs of Delta and the Maddens, and Jo chooses to join Team Delta, saying "how can I go past the chair dancing?" They were some pretty spectacular high kicks...

 

 

Tim McCallum, 34 :: Tim is this season's "inspirational" contestant, which I normally have a little bit of an issue with, since in my opinion, disabled people aren't there to "inspire" us*. The difference here though is that Tim seems to really want to inspire people. Since breaking his neck on a sandbank, Tim has lost all sensation from the chest down, meaning he has no control over his diaphragm...which is a pretty integral muscle for a singer, ESPECIALLY when you're attempting Nessun Dorma. All coaches but Jessie turn, although she seems to genuinely regret this decision afterwards, describing her own fight against adversity after suffering a stroke at 17 and losing sensation to one side of her body. After a heated battle between the coaches, with Delta & Ricky both whipping out their operatic credentials, Tim is swayed to join Team Ricky.

 

Liam Maihi, 23 :: Liam performs a beautiful acoustic rendition of George Ezra's Budapest, inspiring Ricky to hit his buzzer almost instantly. He's not the only one though, as young Liam here is our first four chair turn in a while. YES SOMEONE HAS FINALLY BROKEN JESSIE J. The judges scramble to convince Liam to pick them, with plenty of interruptions and shouted pitches. After a well placed ad break to REALLY build the tension, Liam is persuaded by Ricky's passion, much to everybody else's disappointment. Delta is fuming and Jessie is heard to remark "Shit!" Mr Martin is en fuego tonight! Samba's for everybody!

 

Mark Stefanoff, 23 :: Mark here is another repeat offender, having auditioned back in Season 2. Although he didn't turn any chairs back then, Ricky did arrange for him to meet with his agent in New York and Mark spent some time on Broadway. This time around, Mark sings Johnny Farnham's Burn For You and at the very last second, Ricky turns, leading to this super sweet reunion.

 

Laz Chester, 30 :: Our final contestant of the night was taught music by his late WWII vet father, whose medal Laz carries in his pocket as a good luck charm. Performing Counting Stars by One Republic, Laz has a strong start with some jitters in the middle and by the end has turned Ricky, Delta and Jessie. Ricky pitches hard, saying that what sold it to him was hearing the moment that Laz went "Fuck, I want this so bad!"  By the way, Laz's adorable mother is very much Team Ricky. Jessie wonders how she can top that, but she needn't worry since Laz chooses her, much to the disappointment of Delts and the Rickster, and probably his mum.

  

BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME, KID

 

Damielou Shavelle, 22 :: Youtuber Damielou takes a huge risk by singing Do It Like A Dude, by none other than Jessie J. Unfortunately, I don't think anyone gave her the heads-up that Jessie is as tough as nails and it's going to take more than a nice song choice to get that chair of hers to spin. Bless her little cotton socks for taking the risk, but between pitchy notes and ill placed growls, her performance fails to make any of the coaches turn. Jessie, kind soul that she is, jumps up on stage with Damielou for an impromptu singalong and coaching session.

 

Aaleatha Sandstrom, 28 :: Former competitive swimmer Aaleatha has decided to trade in the pool for the stage, quitting her job to follow her musical dreams. Her fiance mentions that he hopes she goes well, as "she has no back up plan." In hindsight, she probably wishes she did. I'll be blunt guys. It...wasn't great. I think her big mistake was deciding to "perform" for the crowd, moving and dancing around the stage. As soon as you start to move and sing at the same time, your breathing is compromised. She sings like someone who hasn't had much formal training: the voice is there, but it's rough, and her breathing is all over the place. Because she's struggling to catch a breath, she's forced. to. sing. staccato, which ruins the flow of the song. She pulls out the big note, I'm guessing to prompt someone to hit the button, but all she gets is a forced smile with major side-eye from Delts...

Luckily for Aaleatha, the coaches are a bit kinder than I. Ricky tells her she has a great voice, but that it was just too much. Better luck next time Aal. Ten points for the pins though. They are some seriously stellar calves.

 

THE TL;DR VERSION

 

Delta did the cancan, Ricky was the man's man, and Jessie knocked back her fan...fan. Damnit! So close.

 

The Voice Australia airs Sunday to Tuesday nights on the Nine Network. Care to make it interesting? Play along with our drinking game here.

 

* For a far more eloquent take on this issue, I strongly encourage you to take a look at the TED Talk by the late Stella Young, entitled I'm Not Your Inspiration, Thank You Very Much.

Rest in peace Stella, we miss you.

Rest In Peace, Jules Bianchi

I previously wrote about Formula 1 driver Jules Bianchi following his horrific accident at the Japanese Grand Prix - you can read that here.

Yesterday came the news all Formula 1 fans have been dreading, following that terrible day last October. Jules Bianchi has passed away, just two weeks shy of his 26th birthday.

My memories of that day are still vivid: It was a grey Sunday afternoon on the Labour Day long weekend here in Australia and we were watching the Grand Prix. I was sitting cross legged on the floor of our living room, wrapped in a blanket and typing away on my laptop and B was sprawled out on our Lovesac. (This is not a sponsored post by the way...although if the good people at Lovesac feel like throwing some dollars and/or furniture my way...)

On lap 42 of the race when Adrian Sutil spun out and crashed his Sauber, I remember both us at home and the commentary team from Sky were so confused as to what exactly was happening down near turn 7. Between the marshals all over the track, the limited camera angles available and the rain still coming down, it was hard to see what was going on. At the time though, we weren't too concerned, as you could see Sutil watching the vehicle recovery from the side of the track. All of a sudden though, the race was red flagged and we were no longer seeing vision from turn 7. As drivers started climbing out of their cars, looking concerned and confused, B and I started feeling the same. What had happened? Why are they talking about Bianchi all of a sudden, when it was Sutil who had spun?

You could sense a change in the tone of the commentators, normally so boisterous and jovial, they were hushed. On the winners podium, usually such an ecstatic celebration, Lewis Hamilton, Nico Rosberg and Sebastian Vettel had a quiet champagne toast between themselves, rather than the usual explosion of Mumm. In our living room, there was an ever increasing sense of dread. B just kept repeating "this isn't good...shit, this isn't good..." while I frantically scanned the interwebz to find any sort of information about what had transpired.

As we know now, what happened was a devastating series of events that led to Bianchi's Marussia slamming into the rear of the JCB sent out to recover Sutil's car. Once Bianchi's family had arrived in Japan, it was confirmed that he had suffered a diffuse axonal injury and was in a critical condition. And early Saturday morning, 9 months after that awful day, his family released a statement to announce Jules had passed away.

There is never any justice in a parent having to bury their child, particularly at such a young age. Jules was only 25, he had so much life left to live. I can't even begin to imagine the agony that Phillipe and Christine Bianchi must be in and I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say that our thoughts and prayers are with them during this terrible time.

If there is any small comfort to be found in this devastating loss, it's that Jules spent his last moments doing what he loved, what he was great at. It is so sad to think that we'll never know what a champion he could have been. Formula 1 has lost a star, but most importantly, the Bianchi family have lost a beloved son and brother.

Rest in eternal peace, Jules. We will never forget you.

#ForzaJules

mamamedia recaps :: Episode 3 of The Voice Australia

Episode three, let's go!

 

SPINNERS AND GRINNERS

Mikhail "BlackIndie" Laxton, 25 :: Mikhail starts his performance with a recognition of the traditional owners of the land, which I think is lovely. He performs a beautiful acoustic version of My Island Home, turning the chairs of the Mad Bros, Delta & Ricky. After Jessie asks to hear some of Mikhail's original work, Delta drags his girlfriend down from the audience as he sings to her. It's super sweet. Team BlackIndie! Despite Delta's "power play" and Ricky's attempt to sway his vote by "also being from an island", the Maddens walk away with the win.

Keely Brittain, 17 :: Keely is back for a second try after failing to turn a chair in last year's audition. Second time's a charm for little Keely, as Delta and the Mad Bros turn for her rendition of Christina Perri's A Thousand Years. Not a great deal of pitching shown, as I think the Maddens realised they didn't have much of a chance next to Delta.

Deanna Rose, 30 :: Deanna here is a bit of a broken bird after a rough childhood, but when she started singing Video Games, she turned Lana Del Rey's hit from a breathy little ditty into a ballad practically dripping in despair. It was pretty amazing, and Delta, Ricky and the Mad Bros agreed, begging for Deanna to join their teams. Deanna decides to join Team Ricky, because who wouldn't?

DELTA WAS EXCITED GUYS. 

Monty Cotton, 28 :: Monty has left behind the fast paced life of an accountant to work as a musician. What type of musician, you might be wondering? Well, ol' Monty here works as a singing telegram, specifically as Johnny Cash. Yep, apparently that's a thing. Anyway, unsurprisingly Monty performs Cash's Folsom Prison Blues - a little bit too "RSL tribute band" for my liking, but was strong enough to get the Mad Bros to spin.

Peta Evans-Taylor, 28 :: Last cab off the rank tonight was rock chick Peta, who sang Pink's Sober. I kind of agree with the Maddens when they say that only Pink should sing Pink songs, but she did a solid enough job to turn their chairs, along with Ricky and Delta. After a lot of pitching, including Delta asking if she should get tattoos (Peta's response? "You're too pretty") Peta picks the Maddens.

BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME, KID

Elysa Villareal, 16 :: Here's where I reveal my knack for remembering incredibly tiny, trivial pieces of information: In S1 of So You Think You Can Dance Australia, there was a hip hop dancer from western Sydney named Rhiannon Villareal. I wonder if these girls are related in some way, maybe. There's a facial similarity, I think. Anyway, first up tonight is Elysa, who performs Where Is The Love by the Black Eyed Peas. The coaches all agree that she's not yet ready and encourage her to return next year.

Joshua Monroe, 24 :: Originally from England, Joshua is absolutely delightful and I was really disappointed when he failed to impress with his rendition of the standard Feeling Good. Admitting that it's a tricky song to pull off, Jessie criticized his staccato style and advised him to work on his breathing. Absolute champion that he is, he takes every critique on board and walks away with a bounce in his step and a grin on his face. Come back next year Joshua!

Alana Patmore, 17 :: This one was pretty devastating. Alana performed People Help The People, sweetly, if just a bit pitchy and the Mad Bros and Ricky both hit their buzzers at the last minute...unfortunately, it was a second too late and no chairs turned. This prompted a pretty clear "Fuck!" from Delta and tears from Alana's friends in the front row. THESE GIRLS JUST CANT EVEN, CHAIRS.

Normally, teenage girls only sob like this for One Direction...

THE TL;DR VERSION

Singers sung, chairs spun (although not for Alana), and Jessie held out on EVERYONE.

The Voice Australia airs Sunday to Tuesday nights on the Nine Network. Care to make it interesting? Check out our drinking game here.

An Open Letter to a Very Special Human of New York...

Hey mate,

...You don't actually know me, so I hope it's cool that I call you mate. It's an Australian thing!

I don't know you either, but I do know the story that you recently shared with Brandon Stanton when he took your photo...

 

Oh, bud. You have no idea how much my heart aches to read those words and to see the pain on your face. I just want to reach through my screen and give you a big hug.

First things first: You are not alone. Please don't ever think that you are going through this on your own. Because the truth is? Being a kid can really suck. School can be a nightmare. But that is true for so many people buddy, even the kids who you might think have all their shit together. The best part though? Is that it doesn't last forever. One day you wake up, and it's over, and you realise that you're living the life you want to live, as the person that you want to be. The person who you truly are. And you aren't afraid or ashamed, because you've surrounded yourself with people who love you for you.

And you are loved, darling boy. You have an internet full of people who think you are just the best. I am sure that I'm not the only one who is feeling like a protective mama bear towards you right now! I don't presume to know your exact situation, but if you don't feel as though your family is behind you? That's OK - you will find your tribe, you will make your own family. After all, family doesn't just mean the one you're born into: it's also the one you find for yourself.

You have such a bright future ahead of you, one full of love and joy. I know it seems scary now, but you truly have the world at your feet. You can be anything you want to be, and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Never feel like you need to apologise for who you are.

You are special. You are loved. You deserve every happiness in the world.

...and if anyone ever tries to tell you otherwise, then you let me know and we'll take them on together.

With love & light from your self-appointed Aussie mama bear.


Hey you! If you're reading this and are struggling through tough times, please know that you are not alone! Reach out to someone - anyone - and ask for help. If you feel like you don't have anyone to talk to, then feel free to drop me a line at mamamedia.au@gmail.com - I'm not a professional, but I promise you I will listen.
Stay golden. You're awesome. x

mamamedia recaps :: Episode 2 of The Voice Australia

WHAT'S UP NUMBER TWO? (Cougar Town reference - ten points if you picked up on it!)

 

SPINNERS AND GRINNERS

Cath Adams, 31 :: Cath is a country girl from Eugowra in western NSW, and is just adorable. She surprises everyone (seriously, even B jumped in our lounge room) by belting out Beyonce's Work It Out. Jessie & Delta love it so much that they get Cath to do an encore performance whilst they bust out their white girl moves. Quote of the night goes to Delta, who owns her outing as "the most un-rhythmic white woman in Australia." Thanks a lot, Wayans brother. Despite her awesome moves, Delta is unable to win Cath's vote and she joins Team Jessie.

Ollie Kirk, 19 :: Ollie attended my high school, ergo, he's obviously a super awesome cool dude. He is auditioning for his friend Min, who passed away from a stroke last year. God, that's awful. Way too young. Ollie performs Ed Sheeran's Thinking Out Loud, prompting the Mad Bros, Delta & Jessie to spin in the final seconds of his performance. Despite walking into the auditions hoping to end up on Team Madden, Ollie is won over by Jessie J. She's a persuasive little minx that one.

Aviida, 38 & 28 :: Married duo Aviida contains a familiar face - wife Paula competed in Season One, getting knocked out at the Battle round against eventual winner Karise Eden. They perform a cracking version of Adele's One And Only, getting Delta and the Mad Bros to turn their chairs. As convincing as Benji's stuttering pitch was (seriously, I felt bad for the poor guy), husband Clay lives by the creed "happy wife, happy life" and they choose Delta.

Scott Newnham, 26 :: HELLO TOPKNOT. I don't know why it was that this hairdo transitioned from weird to weirdly attractive...but I'm kind of on board with it... Anyway, ahem. Scott is a "male revue performer" (read: stripper). He pulls off Red by Daniel Merriweather, but alas, no clothes. Ricky, Delta and the Mad Bros battle it out to be his coach, each coach standing up, yelling over the top of the others and slowly inching towards the stage, but in the end, Ricky's passion persuades Stripper Scott.

"Male revue, hey?"

Lyndall Wennekes, 19 :: Dance & acrobatics teacher Lyndall impressed Delta and the Mad Bros with Kelly Clarkson's Beautiful Disaster. This results in a bit of a heated stoush between Delta and the boys, as they try to convince Lyndall that she would be better off with them, rather than competing with all the "big voices" that flock to Team Delta. Delta furiously denies this claim, but it doesn't matter, since Lyndall chooses her anyway. This then leads to more bickering between the brothers, as a fuming Joel believes that Benji blew their chance. Time out boys!

Amber Nichols, 32 :: Pregnant mother of one Amber is chasing her dreams, to show her babies that you can achieve anything you put your mind to. I love her already! She performs London Grammar's Strong, impressing all of our coaches and becoming the first contestant tonight to turn all four chairs. All the coaches pitch hard for Amber, but in the biggest surprise tonight, she choose the Maddens, meaning they FINALLY have an artist on the board.

 

 

BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME, KID

Almaryse Burton, 40 :: Kids party DJ Almaryse pulled out karaoke classic Groove Is In The Heart by Dee-Lite. She might smash it out on SingStar but unfortunately, it wasn't enough to make anyone turn their chairs. I like her individuality though. Nice neck ruff.

Glenn Philp, 38 :: Firefighter and father of four Glenn belted out pub classic Save Tonight by Eagle Eye Cherry, albeit in too low a key. At least his kids looked happy afterwards - it kills me when kiddies cry because Mummy or Daddy didn't make it through.

THE TL;DR VERSION...

Good singers, hot stripper, brothers bicker, and plenty of bump 'n' grind. Bring on Episode 3!

The Voice Australia airs Sunday to Tuesday nights on the Nine Network

mamamedia recaps :: Season Four Premiere of The Voice Australia

Yeah, yeah, two weeks later...

 

After enjoying the first two seasons of The Voice Australia, I struggled to get into it last year. Not sure whether it was the contestants, the new coaches, the fact that I was gestating a tiny human, or some magic combination of all of the above, but I just didn't enjoy it as much. Maybe the shine has worn off, I thought?

And so it was that I approached the fourth season premiere with mild trepidation. Do I really want to have to abandon another series after losing interest? (This is where it would be helpful for you to know that I really hate not finishing what I start...hence why I continue to post recaps LONG after they've aired...) What convinced me to give it a go was the inclusion of new judges Benji Madden & Jessie J and the return of Australia's favourite white-girl-groover, Delta Goodrem.

Anyway, without further ado, let the blind auditions begin!



SPINNERS AND GRINNERS

Paris Cassar, 16 :: I'm guessing producers spotted Paris and thought, "YES, we've got our own little Lorde! Cha-CHING!" Paris performs Out Here On My Own from the Fame soundtrack, prompting the Maddens and Jessie J to turn their chairs. Jessie admits that she wasn't going to turn, as she didn't think Paris was ready, but felt she had to once the Mad Bros spun, as Paris needs "vocal and emotional coaching" that evidently, she feels the brothers are unable to provide. They look offended. I had to laugh, because...well, she kinda has a point boys. Paris picks Jessie, no surprises there.

Comparison courtesy of the official @TheVoiceAU twitter account...what did I tell you?

Nicolas Duquemin, 17 :: We experienced Nicolas' audition just like the judges did, with his face not being revealed until Delta decided to spin. He performed Beyonce's XO, leading the Mad Bros to believe that it was a woman performing. This obviously leads to a "hilarious" moment when they decide to hit their button and realise that it is, in fact, a man - as Jessie was adamant it was. It's not so much funny as it was...well, a bit...mean. I felt bad for Nicolas that Joel was making such a big deal about how he was SO SURE that he was a girl. The kid's only 17. Anyway, unsurprisingly, he picks Delta.

Chris Hoskin, 25 :: Arborist Chris performs a BEAUTIFUL rendition of one of my all-time favourite songs, Fall At Your Feet by Crowded House. He's the first artist of the season to turn every chair, leading to a BATTLE TO THE DEATH FOR CHRIS' SOUL. Or, just a bit of back & forth between Jessie & the Maddens, who are clearly desperate to have Chris on their team. Unfortch for them, Chris decides to join Team Jessie so casually that she doesn't actually realise he's picked her and continues pitching.

Rik-E-Ragga, 31 :: Rik-E takes us to Jamaica with the Bob Marley classic, Get Up, Stand Up. Delta turns, coz she's all about the reggae, mon. Jessie turns at the last minute, Ricky is too busy gyrating in his chair. No complaints here though, amirite ladies? Rik picks Delta, in what will surely be one of the more interesting artist-coach matchups of the season.





Gail Page, 51 :: Gail makes a triumpant return to the Voice stage, performing (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman, after failing to turn any chairs in Season One. This time around, Delta and Ricky spin almost instantly, followed soon after by Mad Bros. After a bit of a spat between Ricky & Jessie (in summary: Jessie doesn't think her performance was as good as everyone is saying it was; Ricky is offended at the insinuation he's lying) Gail decides to join Team Ricky. Wouldn't we all, Gail. Wouldn't we all.

 

BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME, KID

Annaleese Fuda, 18 :: This gal has legs for days, but unfortch, that doesn't mean much in a blind audition. Annaleese performs Clarity by Zedd, getting a great reaction from the audience, but unfortunately no chairs turn. The coaches tell her she's not ready yet, she takes it on the chin like a champ and promises to return next year. Ricky also offers her an opportunity to come and check out his tour and meet his team, and you've gotta be happy with that!

Tanya George, 21 :: Jessie J mega-fan Tanya performs a pitchy rendition of the White Stripes' Seven Nation Army. She pulls out an ear-piercer of a high note at the end, but alas, it's not enough. BUT! She at least scores a hug from her idol...oh, and some concert tickets, after she has to admit to being too poor to afford them.

And we're done for Ep.1! I have to say, I think this is my favourite configuration of coaches so far. Ricky is the charmer, Delta is the sweetheart, the Maddens are the jokesters and Jessie is the hardarse. Seriously, she's tough. I'm impressed. Bring on Season Four!

Final words from Miss J.

The Voice Australia airs Sunday to Tuesday nights from 7:30pm on the Nine Network

The Voice Australia :: The Drinking Game

Season Four of The Voice has recently kicked off over here in Australia, with returning coaches Ricky Martin, Delta Goodrem and Joel Madden now being joined by Benji (the silent) Madden and Jessie J.

 

As you may know, we enjoy a good drinking game 'round here, so grab a glass and join in!

PLEASE NOTE: mamamedia does actually encourage responsible drinking, so if you're on the verge of being sick or, y'know, dying, please stop. Also, if you're under legal drinking age, play along with juice or something.

DRINK ONCE IF...

...Someone cries (hello, I'm drunk already)

...A contestant reveals a personal tragedy

...A coach sings

...Someone makes the 'V' sign

...Delta interrupts someone
 

DRINK TWICE IF...

...A coach hits the button with their foot

...The Mad Bros bicker

...Jessie & Delta bicker

...Ricky gyrates

...Jessie doesn't think a performance is as good as everyone else does

...the Maddens talk about "soul"

DRINK EVERYTHING IN YOUR HOUSE IF...

...Joel finally goads Benji one too many times and he snaps and beats him to death with a microphone

Happy hunting!

The Voice Australia airs Sunday to Tuesday nights at 7:30pm on the Nine Network

mamamedia recaps :: The Season Finale of Married At First Sight

It all ends tonight...well actually, it ended two weeks ago, but YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

After six weeks of living together as husband & wife, tonight's the night that we find out whether our couples will live happily ever after, or go their separate ways. THE TENSION IS KILLING ME.

We begin at Zoe & Alex's, where they are bathing the world's squishiest dog. Seriously, don't you just want to moosh that little face?

LOOK AT THAT FACE.

Meanwhile, one couple who are enjoying less than smooth sailing (get it? coz they're in a boat? ZING!) are Clare & Lachlan. After last week's spat about PDA's, Lachlan confesses that "I've got feelings for Clare...I wouldn't say that I'm in love at this point. Every time I keep feeling like I'm falling deeper & deeper, something like what happened the other day at my mum's place crops up, and that makes me take a couple of steps back and thats something I've gotta think about." Hmm. Stormy seas ahead, perhaps?

Things aren't looking great over at Michelle & James' place either. After being away for work, James isn't answering Michelle's calls and she's stressing. RULE #571 GENTLEMEN: Always answer phone calls from the Mrs. Even if you don't want to pick up, at least send a text letting her know what's up. Actually, this rule goes for us too ladies, because God knows I've copped an earful from B in the past when I haven't taken his calls.

As they're nearing the end of the experiment, they decide to try & rekindle the magic by revisiting the site of their wedding, which is as good a reason as any to pay a visit to the Northern Beaches. No jokes here, it's just a beautiful part of the world.

See?

Back in Ferntree Gully, and Alex has bought Zoe a little going away present to remember him by...

The cutest damn reaction to Ugg boots that you ever did see.

And in what might be the sweetest moment of the series so far, Zoe says of Alex: "If this isn't love, then I'll have it, whatever it is!" AWWWW.

We've finally reached the final day of the experiment and it's time for Lachlan, James & Zoe to pack their bags. As Lachlan cleans out his drawers, the camera zooms in on a box of condoms, which I assume is supposed to be an exciting little moment for the audience, but considering he already spilled the beans about their wedding night consummation, it's not a groundbreaking development.

Back at Zoe & Alex's, Maddie the bulldog is so devastated by Zoe's goodbye that she barges through the back door for another cuddle. Well Alex, if you were looking for signs from the universe, I think Maddie just gave you a BIG one.

Decision day has arrived!! First up is Alex & Zoe, who - after the most awkward wedding of them all - have grown to become my favourite couple of the series. They are reunited in a chapel, alongside our panel of experts. As Alex explains his thinking behind his decision and the possible sacrifices to be made, Zoe makes an array of wonderfully concerned faces...

After she has declared that yes, she would like to continue their relationship, Alex leaves us all hanging with his response: "Zoe, I'm sorry....but you're going to have to put up with me a bit longer." YOU CRAFTY JACKRABBIT. Also, yay! They do seem very committed to each other already, saying that they've already discussed adopting a child. #TeamZolex 4EVAAA. I love them, guys.

Next up is James & Michelle. James seems to be 100% keen on continuing the relationship, but Michelle is keeping her cards close to her chest, saying that she "needs to see how he fits into her life." Obviously, we now know that they haven't lasted and that Michelle has since married her ex, but I'm still interested to see whether they decided to pursue it initially. As she approaches the chapel, Michelle states that she's "happy it ends today, and that I can move on with my life." Ooh...could be a misdirect, but still...it doesn't sound good.

As expected, James confirms he wants to continue...and surprise, surprise, so does Michelle!

The happy couple...for now, at least...

And finally, we have farmer Lachlan & firecracker Clare. Clare admits to the experts that she has "silently" told Lachlan that she loves him, but is hesitant to say it aloud since she's said it in the past and not had it reciprocated. SEE WHAT I WAS SAYING LAST WEEK? The girl has damage, and there's nothing wrong with that, she can only be who she is.

Unsurprisingly, Clare wishes to continue with Lachlan, and after a bit of a misdirect with a cheeky "but...", Lachlan confirms that he would like to stay together, and our delightful odd couple drive off into the sunset. Which then transitions into...

...a catch up with our couples, two months after filming wrapped. Did they get their happily ever after?

Clare & Lachlan :: After some leading statements that make it look as though things had taken a turn for the worse, Clare & Lachlan confirm that they are still together. Clare seems to have mellowed since the experiment ended and they are taking it slow and looking towards their future together. Aww.

James & Michelle :: No messing around here, since everyone knows how it's ended up - they are no longer together. Apparently, after their rough week towards the end of the experiment, the relationship never recovered and Michelle pulled out the old classic, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." Poor James seems genuinely gutted by this, saying that he misses her still. Aww buddy. Your lady is out there somewhere.

Zoe & Alex :: I LOVE THESE TWO SO MUCH. They are still together and have added to their family: meet Winston the bulldog! Adorably, Zoe says "Alex has Maddie, I have Winnie and together we all have each other." AWWW. 

Of course, this was filmed last year, and there have been further developments since. Clare & Lachlan are no longer together and he will be starring on the upcoming season of Farmer Wants A Wife. Zoe & Alex are still going strong and are in the process of renovating their first home together, having recently sold his Ferntree Gully bachelor pad. Sadly, they also lost a baby earlier this year and I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say that our hearts go out to them for their devastating loss. Zoe has recently been speaking in public about their loss, in an effort to break down the stigma that surrounds pregnancy & infant loss. In short, she's a bloody champion and an incredibly strong woman.

So there we have it! Season one, done & dusted! What did you think? Was it everything you expected? I'm honestly surprised that they seemed to have created a lasting match as strong as Zoe & Alex. Seriously, follow them on Instagram. Killing me with cuteness.

Missed anything? Catch up on the first season here...
Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3
Episode 4
Episode 5

Australia's Next Top...Bias?

The winner is crowned tonight, but first! Read my rant...

This season of Australia's Next Top Model has seen them adopt a scoring system similar to that of the American franchise. The girls are given a combined score out of 40 for their challenge and photo shoot performances, with the lowest scoring model eliminated each week. Simple, no?

Well, no, it's not, and this has been my major issue with this season.

Unlike scoring in sports like gymnastics or diving, where scores are dictated by difficulty and execution, the scoring on the show is purely subjective, and more often than not, completely inconsistent. I'm not talking about comparing one judge to another - the way Alex Perry views a photo, as a designer, is completely different to the way Jennifer Hawkins will, as a model. One is the client, one is the clotheshorse, and these experiences influence the way a photo appears (and appeals) to them. OK, no argument here.

The inconsistency I struggle with, is the way in which each individual judge scores. Alex is normally pretty good at saying "I scored her a 7 and her photo is better than yours, therefore I can't score this one higher than a 6.5." Awesome, I have no problem with that. Jennifer, on the other hand, seems to have no method to her madness, outside of just pulling numbers out of thin air. She will rave about a photo and then score it a 7, whilst a different model will receive criticism and an 8.5. (This is an issue I have with Tyra's scoring as well, but that's for another post...)

"But Jess!" you might be raving at your screen, "How do you know things haven't been cut out in the editing process, and those scores were truly warranted?" You're right, and I'm willing to give Jen the benefit of the doubt on that, since all we have to go on is what we see on the screen.

But in Episode 6, this is what we saw on the screen: The girls had posed at the Sydney Speedway, with various fast and noisy things, designed to make them "face their fears" or whatever. Izi and Lucy were in the bottom two, based on the following photographs which were, admittedly, not great:

When judging Lucy's photograph, the panel were unanimous in their disappointment. Guest judge, supermodel Alexandra Agoston said that Lucy's natural elegance did not translate in the shot at all, and scored her a 6. Alex said "it's enough if you want to be Australia's Next Top Catalogue Model" and that he was tired of her failure to deliver in pictures, so scored her a 5. When it was time for her to reveal her score, Jennifer announced "I've given you an 8, because I see potential in you."

And herein lies my issue. The judging is not meant to be based on their potential, or their past performance, or their beauty, or what lovely little poppets they may be. They all have potential, which is why they made it through in the first place.

Had Jen scored Lucy on par with Alexandra & Alex - which was to be expected, since she had been in agreeance with all of their criticisms - and given a 5 or 6, Lucy would have been eliminated and we could have ended up with a very different final two, instead of going to a "tie-break" which consisted of the judges having to pick which girl they thought had a better chance of success in the industry.

Honestly, I am surprised that they seem so enamoured of young Lucy. She is clearly a beautiful girl with a great body, but am I the only one who has noticed that she really only has two looks?

Look #1: "This is so funny tee hee hee aren't I adorable?"

 

 

Look #2: "I have completely forgotten that I have a face. God I hope you're paying attention to how good my body looks."

 

 

Tyra Banks loves to bang on about "H2T": modelling head to toe. It's a message that I think Lucy would be well served to heed. It's all well and good to have a bangin' bod, but if the face isn't connecting, then you might as well not have even bothered. In my humble (ha) opinion, she coasted on the strength of her body, rather than having to work on her face.

Honestly, I believe that Brittany Beattie is more deserving of the win tonight: She's been far more consistent, has a much greater range, has delivered shots that could run in the pages of high fashion glossies, and has walked the runway for Jean Paul Gaultier for crying out loud.

GET IT GURL.

That, and she hasn't sailed through on the back of a judges bias. OOH WAY HARSH TAI.

#TeamBritt

The season finale of Australia's Next Top Model airs tonight at 7:30pm AEST on FOX8