We open to the morning after the night before. Clare & Lachlan look very cheery for virtual strangers that just spent the night together. Clare offers that she can't really remember what happened, but that they had some champagne and conversation. Lachlan thens adds that they "slept together" and Clare makes this face, before nudging him and crying "Shh! Don't tell them that!" I hope these crazy kids make it work.
The face you make when your husband rats you out on national TV...
Roni & Michael also look happy, albeit exhausted. Mike confirms that they didn't have a "traditional wedding night" and went their separate ways last night, sleeping in their own rooms. Oh well, that's fair enough. Plenty of time for consummation!
Time to meet couple #1 - Zoe & Alex.
Zoe is 25 and a digital marketing manager. She was adopted along with her twin brother from an orphanage in Ethiopia when they were 5 years old. She seems to be a very strong, independant woman, evidenced by her statement that "women were put on the Earth to rule, men are just for...you know." Go girl. I love the timid question from the psychologist following that declaration: "So...do you tell men that?"
Alex is 29 and owns his own plumbing company. He's single "not by choice" and seems like a typical bachelor...one whose mummy still does his laundry. Oh, Alex.
Time for Couple #2 - Michelle & James.
Michelle is 34 and a communications manager. She tends to end up with younger men, who aren't prepared to settle down and have children with her. Her parents have gone so far as to enforce a minimum age for her to date. DAMNIT MICHELLE MUM WANTS GRANDKIDS.
James is 36 and a signwriter, who moved to Sydney from Canberra to meet The One. So far, he's had no luck finding her. Naww. I like him already.
Now that the matches have been made, it's time to break the news to their loved ones. Alex mentions that his father has just had heart surgery, so...this could end badly. His family are, understandably, thrown for a bit of a loop, but they make it through with nobody going into cardiac arrest, so a successful conversation I'd say.
It's now the wedding day and Zoe is panicked. Hilariously, she says "I'm having to breathe in and out...which is not normal!" Oh, how I love anxiety attacks. Meanwhile, the Melbourne skies have opened and Alex is comforting himself with that old chestnut about rain on your wedding day being a good omen, as opposed to ironic (IT'S NOT EVERY IRONY ALANIS). I was married on a mid-30s summer day in Sydney and it rained for about 5 minutes...right when we walked outside for our photos. THANKS A LOT, WEATHER. God. So rude. Anyway, where were we?
Oh yeah, weddings! Zoe is now en route to her wedding with her twin brother in tow and she looks like a lamb being led to slaughter. Whilst trying to calm the nerves with some champagne, the driver hits the brakes and we are treated to this hilarous expression...seriously, an episode highlight for me:
In Sydney, James has walked up to the altar and Michelle's loved ones have applauded in approval. He greets her mother with a little wave and a "Hi mum!" Nice one buddy. Get the MIL onside and you'll be sweet.
Michelle is now walking in on her fathers arm and James looks like the cat that got the cream:
To steal a line from Lachlan's toast in last week's episode, Michelle is stunning and James is stunned. He's tripping over his vows and eventually needs to bring out his cheat sheet, which gives Michelle the opportunity to lean in close and help him find his spot. Adorable.
We return to the Melbourne ceremony, where Zoe is now entering. Such an independant woman is she, that she doesn't actually wait for her brother to escort her down the aisle and marches off on her own while he trails behind. She greets Alex with a "what's up?" at the altar and there is nervous laughter all round. But, in echoes of Clare & Lachlan's wedding last week, Zoe can't make eye contact with Alex. LOOK HOW AWKWARD:
Through their vows, Zoe fidgets and picks at her bouquet as her eyes dart wildly around the room. If I were Alex, I'd be bracing myself for her mad dash towards the nearest exit. "I thought she was really beautiful, right up until she threw herself through a stained glass window." Can you imagine? Anyway, Zoe pulls it together and says "I do." And Alex breathes a sigh of relief, along with the rest of Australia. At the end, Zoe admits that it was "a different experience to one I've ever had." You mean, having a fake wedding with a stranger on national television? I'll bet.
We return to Michelle & James having their photos taken on the beach, looking every bit the besotted newlyweds. They sneak in a first kiss before the photographer can snap it and take a stroll along the sand with their arms around each other. I've said it before, I'll say it again: Adorable.
Zoe & Alex, on the other hand? Not so smooth.
TOTALLY NATURAL GUYS.
Both couples have now arrived at their reception and Zoe & Alex are getting acquainted with each others families. Alex's response to meeting Zoe's twin? "Her brother is quite massive. I just gave him a tap on the arms and they were like bricks. I can imagine he's very protective of her." What he actually meant? "NOTE TO SELF: Behave, otherwise brother in law is going to FUCK MY SHIT UP."
Meanwhile, Michelle & James are sneaking out of their reception to pash away from prying cameramen's eyes. Sneaky! I love these two.
BUSTED.
Despite seemingly spending half of her reception hiding in corners with girlfriends, Zoe seems to warm up to Alex as the evening goes on. Enough to allow him under her skirt to retrieve the garter.
And just like that, we're waking up with the couples the next morning. And OOH-AAH, James & Michelle are naked. Well, she's wrapped in a towel and he's shirtless in bed. And possibly bottomless too, since it turns out to be his underwear we saw amongst the bedsheets in last week's preview. Michelle adds a cheeky "I haven't had much sleep." O RLY?
Alex & Zoe are also waking up in bed together and as Zoe sits up, her robe gapes open and it certainly appears as though she is naked underneath. No screenshot for this moment though: I'm not that creepy. Zoe shares that Alex awoke during the night and forgot who she was and I can only imagine the split second of terror that must have shot through him. Although, if you're going to wake up in an unfamiliar place? A Langham hotel isn't the worst place you could end up.
All 4 couples are now departing for their honeymoons. I would like to interject at this point: All of these women are way too dressed up for air travel. I don't care if I'd only just met the guy, he would need to know that when I fly, I do so in clothing that is as close to pyjamas as I can get away with. I'm the crazy bag lady in the chunky cardigan and sweats who lugs aboard $70 worth of magazines. (This is not an exaggeration by the way. My husband is appalled at the amount of money I can drop at an airport newsstand. I fear being trapped on a plane with nothing to read!) Ahem. Anyway. Sidetracked again.
Alex & Zoe have arrived in the Whitsundays (which I highly recommend if you're looking for a romantic getaway! Hamilton Island in particular is stunning) and are obviously getting more comfortable in each others company, as they get their pash on whilst flying over the Great Barrier Reef.
Meanwhile, Roni & Michael have gone across the ditch to Wanaka in New Zealand. Lucky ducks scored an international honeymoon! And - awkward turtle time - Roni has decided to rip off the bandaid and tell Mike about her previous marriage. Definitely romantic honeymoon conversation. She's right though - better to get it over and done with at the beginning. Michael seems a bit taken aback by the news, as well as understandably concerned that she's not yet over her ex-husband.
So I'm your rebound. AWESOME.
Up on the Gold Coast, Lachlan continues to win Clare over with his willingness to open up about his dad. There's lots of hand holding, it's all very cute and then they have lovely blurry kisses in front of a roaring fire.
At the end of the episode, we learn that 3 of the couples are sharing a bed on their honeymoon. There's lots of cute diary cam footage from Clare & Lachlan, Zoe & Alex and Michelle & James as they snuggle and joke around in bed. However, Roni has relegated poor Mike to an armchair as she takes the king size bed; her reason being that she doesn't want to jump straight in and have sex with him. Umm, you know what Roni, it IS possible to share a bed with someone and NOT have sex with them. GROUNDBREAKING, I KNOW. I'm really hoping that this is just for TV and that once the cameras left, she let him hop into bed. Because no one gets a good nights sleep in an armchair. I've done it before when my husband was in hospital and it is the worst. Plus, it's his honeymoon too! I don't understand why the production couldn't have arranged a double suite for them? SO MANY QUESTIONS. Poor Mike. #GetMikeABed
NEXT WEEK: The honeymoon is over, let the co-habitation begin! And it looks like sparks fly, with Roni in tears and Lachlan copping a "Fuck you" from Clare. See you next week!
