And so begins Married At First Sight, Channel Nine's new series that sets out to see if science can create perfect matches between total strangers. The "top matchmaking experts" that are responsible for pairing up our singles are introduced as John Aiken, a relationship psychologist; Dr Trisha Stratfrod, a neuropsychotherapist; and Sabina Read, psychologist.
I'll clarify at this point: none of the ceremonies are legally binding. The contestants are merely undergoing the ritual of a wedding and living as husband & wife. So, basically, playing house like kids. I am of two minds about this premise: On the one hand, I do believe it's insulting to the gay community to say that they aren't able to marry in order to protect the 'sanctity' of the institution, but it's OK to turn marriage into a social experiment for straighties. On the other hand...I do love a good love story. SHOOT ME.
We meet our first single. Clare is a 37 year old marketing manager who desperately wants a husband and children. She describes herself as very energetic and active, as well as super organised, and lists her flaw as being too fiery. A pretty typical Type A personality. She seems nice, if a bit highly strung, and genuinely committed to finding love and having a family. I think she'll give this a good go.
Next, our first husband-to-be is introduced. Lachlan is a 36 year old farmer who has been single for the last 4 or 5 years. He's not completely alone though, as he says, he's got his dog and a 300 head herd of cattle to keep him company. He has always wanted to get married and have a family, and says that to him, it's the most important thing in life. Aww. I like Lachlan already.
Just a man and his cows...
[SIDENOTE: Not sure why our matchmakers need to be making these matches in an old church, seemingly in the middle of the night?]
Well, this has taken an ominous turn...
Now we meet Roni, 32, a payroll manager who has been single for 18 months. An incredibly social "pocket rocket", Roni was previously married and is now ready to move on and find her "next great love."
Roni's perfect match is Michael, a 31 year old events manager who has been single for the better part of a decade. He doesn't want to be the lone single guy in his social group, but apparently, he struggles to put his partner before his mates. Now, depending on the gal, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. Some people will like that independence. Not everyone wants to be around their partner 24/7 and Roni seems like she has a very strong social group of her own, so she might just be one of those people.
So Clare & Lachlan and Roni & Michael are now just one week out from their wedding and have to break the news to their loved ones. We see Michael telling his mates, who are as supportive as you can imagine. They crack up laughing and one says "I love you, and I'll support you in this...but you're a fucking idiot." Gotta love friends. Always having your back. Lachlan then breaks the news to his cows, followed by his mother and grandmother. Nan's response? "Good." Mum's? "About time darling." Lachlan's family are officially my favourites.
The girls are out shopping for their dress and, in what would surely be a lovely moment for her ex-husband, Roni declares "I've never felt like this before...and I've been married before!!" So basically, she's more excited about marrying a stranger than she was to marry a man she actually knew. Oof. Sorry dude.
The big day has arrived! In the understatement of the year, relationship psychologist John Aiken says that marrying someone you've just met "is going to be pretty freaky." NO DUH JOHNNY BOY.
Roni is cheerfully getting her makeup done, her main concern being that she doesn't make a face when she walks in. At Clare's house however, she's in full meltdown mode. Her flowers have arrived and they are simply not acceptable. HOW DARE THEY IGNORE HER BRIEF OF 'GREEN AND WHITE' AND SEND WHITE ROSES WITH GREEN FOLIAGE. This moment is brilliantly contrasted against a clip of Lachlan saying "I imagine my wife being laid back and fairly relaxed like I am." Cough.
I ASK FOR WHITE & GREEN AND THIS IS THE SHIT I GET?!?
Mike and Lachlan are now walking into their ceremonies and get the once-over from their brides loved ones. Lachlan receives applause after someone calls out "what do you think guys?" Oh man, that's uncomfortable.
Clare's on the verge of having a panic attack en route; Roni on the other hand, could not be more excited and practically skips to the car.
Clare pulls up to the ceremony and, in a moment that bodes incredibly well for her marriage, asks if she has to get out of the car, then decides to just not look at Lachlan as she powers up the aisle. Eeesh. Awkward. Although the moment that Lachlan turns around and sees her for the first time is as sweet as it is in any other wedding.
Roni is now walking into her wedding and if you didn't know otherwise, you would think that this is a couple that have been together for years. They both look so happy and take each others hand soon after she makes it to the altar. They also manage a crazy amount of unbroken eye contact for people that have just met. It is a very intimate thing, saying your vows whilst staring into your partners eyes. I can't imagine how you could hold that moment with a stranger, but Roni & Mike manage it.
We now return to Clare & Lachlan's ceremony and in stark contrast to Roni & Michael's wedding, Clare continues to stare straight ahead even as she reaches the altar. After an excruciating silence, Lachlan offers a timid "How ya goin'?" Lots of nervous giggling and Clare mutters under her breath "what is going on?" Eep. She seems a bit like a startled deer, ready to bolt at a moments notice. Once the vows begin, she also has a much harder time holding eye contact and takes some very pregnant pauses before she speaks.
Uh oh...Clare's voiceover cuts in with this: "I've always said that chemistry is an undefinable thing. You know in the first 30 seconds whether its going to be on or not. Right now, I just want to high-tail it out of there." But! Before she can sprint back up the aisle, she says I do, admitting "it's a crazy thing to do...I just have to trust these matchmakers." Now it's time for the world's most awkward wedding photos...somebody please just give them a drink and get them loosened up.
CAN YOU FEEL THE HEAT?
Meanwhile, Roni & Michael are behaving like giddy teenagers, as he carries her around the garden and they get their pash on. Seriously, this could be any ordinary wedding, really. They seem so comfortable with each other already, whether it's posing for photos or walking around hand in hand as they greet their guests. Mike's mates continue their stellar support: "He needs a girl that can shut him up a little bit and I think she's already done that job up there. He turned to mush and she stole the show, so we actually like her better than him right now."
It's like they've known each other for years...actually, I think I have a photo like this from my own wedding. They're that good, people!
After a boatload of champagne, Clare starts to loosen up and admits that Lachlan is a very "calming presence" which I think she definitely needs in a partner. Meanwhile, Nan is asking where they'll be spending their wedding night and seems disappointed at the prospect of separate rooms. GO NAN.
Time for speeches! Mike's best mate throws him under the bus, as all good best men do, first by revealing that Mike was obviously taking this wedding seriously, as he started hitting the gym again, and then pulls out this corker: "I think he'll be quite comfortable with this situatuon as it won't be the first time he wakes up in the morning and turns to the side and has to ask the name of the girl..." BOOM.
Lachlan then stands to make his toast and melts hearts everywhere as he tears up talking about his father. Clare seems genuinely moved by his speech, the highlight being: "it's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives." TEN POINTS TO LACHLAN. After the cake cutting and some very cute dancing (he twirled her! Adorable.) Clare confides in her girlfriends that she thinks she got lucky. Cheers all round!
Oh, and they get even more adorable. Lachlan drapes his suit jacket over her shoulders as she shivers and Clare offers the following bit of cuteness: "I just feel like myself now. That's probably the first time I've felt like myself in a long time."
Adorable.
Oooh, hotel room! Having worn a wedding dress, I can say with authority that Roni will need Michael's assistance removing that dress, so he's at least going to get a glimpse of her underwear. Clare & Lachy meanwhile seem worlds apart from that nervous couple at the altar. Just look at this eye contact!
ADORABLE.
It's smiles all round in both rooms, as the newlyweds settle in to enjoy their first night as husband and wife. Just how much they enjoy themselves remains to be seen, although in the preview for next week's episode we do see a discarded pair of jocks in amongst the rumpled bedsheets. Ooooh!
Someone had a good night...
My verdict? Well, after being on the fence about even watching the show at all, at the end of Episode 1 it is safe to say that I am 100% invested in these couples. I BELIEVE IN LOVE OKAY.
In case you missed it last night, Nine is replaying Episode 1 tonight at 9:40pm. Ep.2 airs next Monday night at 8:45pm. See you then!
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