Highlights From Episode 2 of Real Housewives Of Melbourne

Not as late as my premiere episode recap, round of applause please everyone!

:: "I asked for mirrors on the floor, so when I'm driving, I can check out my landing strip - because I go commando!" - I don't think TeensyBlossom exactly understands how mirrors work. Also: we get it. You don't wear underwear. This isn't as shocking a revelation as I think she thinks it is.

:: I don't know about you guys, but I know that when I'm out walking my Italian greyhound, I always choose a nice stacked heel in which to pound the pavement.

:: "Gamble has social smarts" - This is a nice way of saying "street smart", which is a nice way of saying "not book smart". I would normally feel bad about saying this, but I love Gamble and I think that she would admit the same, so it's all good.

:: FUN FACT: Jackie has an E cup chest. Congrats, Mr Gillies.

:: OK, this is where I am TOTALLY on Team Jackie & Janet - I can't stand people who think that retail assistants are their personal shoppers. Personally, I don't even feel comfortable handing back clothes that I'm not buying: I put them back on the rack myself. To see TeensyBlossom barking orders at poor Imogen...yeah, not a fan.

:: "It's a real mongrel of a woman" - Lydia cuts right to the chase, don't she.

:: Unless she's self publishing and willing to take a huge loss on this book, TeensyBlossom is going to have to polish the hell out of that book pitch.

:: So, the proposal: Are we thinking real, or staged? I have no doubt that Rick actually proposed to her, but do we think they recreated the moment for the cameras? Hmm.

:: "I've got Pettifleur up the end..." "You couldn't put her in another room?" - Janet's not holding back at all now, is she?

:: This episode just demonstrates how, whilst they are fun, it is IMPOSSIBLE to follow a murder mystery storyline whilst drinking. The last time I successfully followed a murder mystery was at a friend's birthday party...when we were 13. As an adult, you spend the whole time going "Who am I? Wait, I thought I was the maid? YOU'RE the maid? Who the hell am I? Am I the duchess? Oh wait, she's the dead one?!? Hang on, let me check my cards again..."

:: "Oh God, another Toorak woman, Melbourne socialite, writing a book. JUST what the world needs." - Gamble continues to own this episode.

:: I've got to be honest: learning that Gamble throws sex parties, if true, would make me like her MORE. Own that shit, lady. Bitches just be jealous that nobody's coming to their orgies.

NEXT TIME: The Gamble V Janet drama continues. SALACIOUS.

As always, I am running behind (I mean, Ep. 3 did screen tonight), but you'll have the recap as soon as possible lovelies! MY RECORDER IS FILLING UP SO QUICKLY YOU HAVE NO IDEA.